Finding Rewards in Foster Parenting

It’s about soccer, parent-teacher conferences, little league…much like any other form of parenting, foster parenting can bring a life full of rewards.

But foster parents don’t just assist children with their day-to-day lives: they also play a pivotal part in supporting the foster child through a tremendous and often difficult life change. “You’re incorporating the child in your home and making them comfortable with the crisis you’re going through,” explains Michelle Gordon, Recruitment Supervisor at the Commonwealth’s Department of Children and Families.

The vast majority of kids come into a foster home through the child protection process, details Irene Herman, the Department’s Regional Counsel for the Boston Region, after allegations that the child is being abused or neglected in his or her biological home. Some kids are placed in foster homes through the Child In Need of Services process, Herman adds, which places emphasis on the child’s – rather than the parent’s – troubled behavior.

One common misconception about foster parenting is that the Commonwealth requires prospective foster parents to be married, or own a home: neither is the case, says Gordon, adding that the specific requirements for becoming a foster parent are spelled out at the Department’s website at www.mass.gov/dcf. The qualifications necessary to be a foster parent include communication and problem-solving skills, the ability to be “present” for the child, and the ability to express feelings well, says Gordon—in short, the same skills required of any parent!

Still, foster parents face some special issues. “Part of being a foster parent is also dealing with the biological family,” Herman points out, as the child has the right to see his or her biological siblings (though the foster parent doesn’t necessarily have to interact with the biological parents directly, Herman and Gordon add.) Foster parents typically also have to interact with a whole lot of people: the child and the biological parents each have their own attorneys; the Court appoints an investigator and sometimes also a probation officer; and there may be social workers and others involved in the process, Herman says. In some cases – though not usually, Herman adds – the foster parent may also need to testify in court: foster parents hold a lot of information about the child and may be able to shed light on how the child is doing. “As a foster parent, you’re not just taking a child into your home and closing the door,” she says.

To help foster parents navigate the process, Gordon says the Department offers elaborate training and resources. She adds that foster parents often become strong advocates for the child in the community, such as by interacting with the child’s teachers to make sure the child’s needs are met. Another common misconception is that prospective parents have no say in child selection—actually, prospective foster parents and the assigned social worker work together to make sure the child selected is a good match for the family.

Though some foster care placements turn into long-term or adoptive placements, even a short-term placement can bring tremendous rewards for foster parent and child alike. Gordon recalls the story of one foster parent who felt empowered by helping an adolescent girl escape an abusive home, even though the parent could not be there for the girl permanently. “Some of them actually turn into long-term placements,” says Herman. “There, the growth and change in the people you see is truly remarkable.”