Picket Fence Post

A U.S. intelligence officer and terrorism expert with decades of experience, Gina M. Bennett, a mom of five, wants us to think of national security, terrorism and foreign policy issues in an entirely different way, from the perspective of a mother who’s raising her children.

Teach your children that, at the end of the day, telling the truth is always better than lying. Stand up to bullies and don’t allow them to define who you are. Pick up your own messes. Choose your friends wisely. Always try to understand why your child’s doing something obnoxious/irresponsible/insane/irrational so that you can try to figure out a way to try to stop or dissuade her from doing that in the future.

Bennett’s book, National Security Mom: Why ‘Going Soft’ Will Make America Strong, reminded me of that old Robert Fulghum book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Only its focus is on parenting and national security. Everything Bennett says she needed to know about that subject, she learned from her family.

Bennett recently fielded six questions from me about her book (published by the woman who published my book, FYI) and about national security and parents, as we prepare to go the polls and pick a new president in less than a month.

Meredith O’Brien, Picket Fence Post: Why did you write this book and for whom did you write it?

Gina Bennett, author of National Security Mom: After 20 years of countering terrorism from inside the covert world of the Intelligence Community, I came to realize that the most powerful weapon America can wield in this fight is the courage of the American people. For years, my colleagues and I have worked daily to collect intelligence, uncover plots, identify key leaders and figure out how to stop terrorists from carrying out their attacks. But no matter how hard we work, there will be times when terrorists will succeed in getting past our security efforts. But when that happens, it does not have to mean that America was defeated. As long as Americans stand united in the aftermath of such a tragedy and refuse to change because of it, the terrorists are the ones who will be defeated.

Terrorists don’t seek death and destruction alone. They want to use the horror of their attacks to shake our faith in our form of government. If we remain committed to our democratic principles and ideals, we rob them of their attempted victory over us and undermine their future influence. The men and women in government can’t do this alone. Every American is our partner, and I wrote this book to convey that message. I also wrote with parents, and especially mothers, in mind because I felt the national security debate was overwhelmingly dominated by “insider” jargon that left many parents feeling like outsiders. But you don’t have to understand all the intricacies of the intelligence, law enforcement and military efforts in countering terrorism to be an informed participant in the national security debate.

(more…)

Now that the Red Sox have disposed of the Angels in the American League Division Series in dramatic fashion, we can look forward to American League Championship Series games being played on East Coast time, not West Coast 10 p.m. hell.

Between those LA playoff games that stretched until the wee hours of the morning and the 9 p.m. presidential/vice presidential debates (and the post-debate analysis I watch until late), I’ve been running on some serious Dunkin’ (and other caffeinated goodness) these days. But to be honest, Sunday night’s game in Boston ran late as well, and it didn’t end as nicely as tonight’s contest.

Bring on the Rays. I wish we could also bring on Rem-Dog and Orsillo from NESN. Those TBS guys are just terrible and that guy with the hideous, retina-destroying jackets makes me crazy.

Image credit: AP/Charles Krupa.

Actually, it’s not me who has the homework. Not nominally anyway. It’s two of my kids who have the assignments.

Which is apparently now my problem. Because they’ve been given assignments that require that I (or their father) drop everything and make sure that they’re completed TONIGHT.

My second grader has informed me that for tonight’s homework assignment, he and his parents must conduct a family fire drill, test all the fire alarms in the house and discuss what we’re supposed to do in the event of an emergency. (That’s on top of the 20 minutes of reading a parent is supposed to supervise each night.)

My fourth grade daughter told me I have to let her use my computer TONIGHT so she can go to a web site, “look stuff up” and then write some paragraphs about it. (Yeah, I’m lettin’ a 10-year-old near the internet without my supervision or a parent lurking around. Not. And, by the way, I’m USING my computer right now. For work.)

My twin fourth graders also have these delightful fluency assignments where, on Mondays through Thursdays, a parent is supposed to listen to the student read aloud an excerpt from a book (sometimes a poem) they’ve been given. (A few weeks ago, the passage was about ants and how ant queens would go to other colonies and kill the reigning monarch.) Depending on what skill is being tested that day (accuracy, expression, rate of speed, or all of ‘em), you have to grade the child on a four-point scale. And you have to do this three times in a row each night. That’s when it’s not Thursday and all three kids have to study for a spelling test, and my daughter has to complete a math worksheet in three minutes while you watch her, time her and then grade her work.

Don’t get me wrong. I love knowing what my children are studying and witness them progressing academically. It’s part of my job as a parent to look over their homework. I want to know what books they’re reading. Those things are important, as is the ability of the children to safely navigate the internet and complete math problems correctly.

What I don’t like is the fact that assignments get dumped on the parents with no notice, when we might have other things to do, such as our own work, shuttling other children in the family around, and, oh, I don’t know, life? It’s one thing to give the children an assignment that they can complete on their own; it’s another to give them an assignment that requires direct parental involvement and is due TOMORROW. A little notice would be much appreciated. Many families I know are already harried and running on the power of caffeinated beverage alone (particularly given the hideously late night antics of the Red Sox). It doesn’t take much to send our delicately balanced days off-kilter.

But, I’ve got to go now . . . I haven’t graded my daughter’s fluency assignment yet, nor have I overseen the Youngest Boy’s reading (make sure he does his reading) or helped him with his fire escape plan. I also have to track down the Eldest Boy, because there’s certain to be some parental assignment lurking in his backpack. I was planning to take the kids to the library late this afternoon, since this is the only day when they don’t have some sort of sports practice or game. But, with all this homework I’ve been given, I don’t know if that’s going to be possible.

If I’m not mistaken, I finished the 2nd and 4th grades a long, long time ago, in a lifetime that seems so very far away . . .

During last night’s vice presidential debate a number of references were made to the candidates’ parenthood.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, a self-described pitbull of a hockey mom, said that if you want to gauge how people are feeling about the economy, just go to a kids’ soccer game, talk to the parents and you’ll hear expressions of fear and worry about the future. She also said that, if elected, she’d bring her Main Streeter, average mom point of view to Washington.

Meanwhile, Senator Joe Biden said he understands all too well what it’s like to be a single dad who sits around the kitchen table wondering how he’s going to take care of his kids and pay for all their expenses. In an emotional moment, he choked up recalling the fatal accident that took the lives of his first wife and his daughter, and sent his two sons to the hospital. The Wall Street Journal’s The Juggle blogused Biden’s moment as a jumping off point to discuss whether single dads get enough credit for their parenting.

Meanwhile, both candidates, as well as Senator John McCain, have sons serving in Iraq, making the discussion of the war in Iraq a very personal one as well as a policy-oriented exercise.

My favorite moment:The post-debate photo op, where the Palin and Biden families converged on stage. It was the most genuine, real moment of the whole event. However as I watched Palin’s daughter Piper, 7, walk around holding her infant brother Trig, I was holding my breath because it didn’t look like she had a solid hold on him. Just like when Mama Palin gave her acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention, I was sure Piper was going to drop her brother.

Get my take on the overall debate performances in my Suburban Mom’s Political Fix.

Image credit: New York Times/James Estrin.

Item #1: Late Night Sox

I, along with many members of Red Sox Nation, am bleary-eyed today after staying up (or trying) to watch last night’s Red Sox playoff game in California that ended in the wee hours of the morning. While the Sox were triumphant, I must admit that there were about a half-dozen times when I nodded off for extended chunks of the game. (I should’ve had that iced coffee I was talking about drinking at 7.)

And with the pressure to be remain wide awake tonight in order to watch the historic vice presidential debate – when debates are boring, they often require caffeine in order to make it through and actually understand what’s being said — I’m going to keep the good coffee grower folks in business.

Item #2: The Duggar Family of 19 Makes Me Tired

Some call it a reality show. I call it a horror show. Just the very concept of a household teeming with 17, soon to be 18 children, is enough to send me back to the warm, cozy confines of my bed, and pull the covers over my head (and after late night Sox games, retiring to bed is even more alluring).

But in a world where I’m fatigued just trying to work and take care of three kids, I know I’m not the only American who is fascinated with just how a large family – a super-sized one in this case – actually makes it through the days without murder, mayhem and graffiti.

Enter: 17 Kids and Counting. On The Learning Channel. The premiere episode of the reality show this week featured a trip by the collection of “J” first-named kids and their parents to New York City where they were announcing — to the kids and the public — on the Today Show  that Michelle Duggar was pregnant with baby number 18. Just watching the kids pack (My Lord the closets! The clothing! Looked like Filene’s Basement!) was enough to make me want to cry . . . or maybe that was my own personal sleep deprivation.

And this woman home schools the kids. Oy! At least they have one grandmother around to help out.

Item #3: HSM 3 Trailer

The Girl yesterday inquired about the exact date of the theatrical release of High School Musical 3. (October 24 for those of you keeping track at home.) When I Googled it and happened upon the movie’s trailer, she was enthralled. Parents of tweens, prepare for the promotional onslaught.

It’s not often that I read a story in the sports pages of the newspaper that involve parenting. At least not in a positive way. But when I read a New York Times piece on the Arizona Cardinals’ quarterback Kurt Warner, father of seven (ages 2-16), and how he and his wife raise their kids, I was touched and inspired. Among the things about the Warner family that moved me:

When the family goes out to dinner, the children vote on for which other table they should foot the bill. Anonymously. The diners never find out that the QB and his family singled them out for their generosity.

The family has a set of eight rules for their children. Among the Warner family rules: Share your favorite part of your day with one another at dinner, spend one hour at an art museum while on the road with Dad at a game or traveling, notice the eye color of your waiter or waitress and hold hands with a sibling for 10 minutes if you can’t get along.

That last item, while I can’t see it working in my particular household (at least not without bloodshed, separate corners seems to work best for us, actually, separate counties) I think it’s sweet. In fact, the whole Warner family sounds so sweet that my teeth hurt. But in a good way.

Image credit: Andrew Grant/New York Times.

Item #1: Ditching Goody Bags

A blogger on the web site Babble wants birthday party goody bags killed. Dead. Finished. Finito. They’re usually filled with cheap toys, too much candy and promote the gimmes, she said:

“When we’re handed these tokens of participation at the end of the soiree, I am filled with a mixture of angst and anxiety. I immediately start to try to scheme on how to get the colorfully decorated bag out of my daughters’ curious and greedy little hands. A task which I wish could be avoided altogether.”

I’d be all for eliminating goody bags — I didn’t need a goody bag when I was kid to enjoy a party — if all the other parents would agree to cease and desist. I wouldn’t want to go solo on something like this. Every year, I feel great pressure when it comes to putting together the birthday party goody bags. I always try to be very reasonable about what I put in them, but usually, a few days before a party, I start worrying that I’ve been too cheap and that my frugalness will hurt my kids socially. My guilt typically propels me to go to the store to pick up a large bag of processed sugar that’s been molded into Laffy Taffy or Nerds and stuff handfuls of the empty calories into the bags to make them look fuller, bad mother am I.

Item #2: Martha Stewart’s Snarky Kid

Martha Stewart’s kid is all grown up now, swears profusely, and has taken to mocking her mother. On TV. For a paycheck. No lie.

New York Magazine recently ran a long feature piece on the mother-daughter duo focusing on the fact that Alexis Stewart and her sidekick, Jennifer Koppelman Hutt, will be doing a TV show for the Fine Living Network consisting entirely of ridiculing old episodes of Martha Stewart Living, pop-up video style. Alexis and Jennifer, who have a satellite radio show called Whatever, with Alexis and Jennifer, will also be the hosts of the new program called Whatever, Martha, a show endorsed by mama herself.

To give the green light to this puppy, Martha must have skin that’s 10-feet thick.

Check out the promo for the new show here.

Item #3: Suburban Mom’s Political Fix

This has been the wildest presidential campaign I’ve ever seen. And when I’ve asked those who’ve witnessed more campaigns than I what they think, they agree. Without exception. This year, not only will history be made in one way or another on November 4, the election season has been unpredictable and exciting, no matter for which candidate you’re rooting.

So I’ve decided that, with all the media’s focus on the “mom” vote (as if there is one, monolithic “mom” vote, which, of course there isn’t), I decided that my Suburban Mom blog would take on politics (in a bipartisan fashion of course) and start a new, regular feature entitled, the Suburban Mom’s Political Fix. Check back on the Suburban Mom blog for the latest take on the election from your resident suburban mom with caffeine addiction issues.

Image credit: New York Magazine/Alexis Stewart/Getty Images. 

My kids have no idea how spoiled they are.

Seriously.

As far back as they can remember, the Red Sox have been good. (The older two kids have, fortunately, purged the 2003 ALCS heartbreak from their memories.) They’ve watched the Red Sox win two World Series championships. They’ve witnessed the Patriots win Super Bowls. They cheered on the Celtics this spring after they won the NBA Championship.

And despite the fact that The Girl is still upset about the fact that the Old Towne Team and her favorite player (Manny Ramirez) parted ways this summer, my guess is that the drive to win the pennant (and beyond!) plus her new-found affection for Jacoby Ellsbury, will turn her frown upside-down. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Guess I’ve got to make some more “Go Sox” signs to put up in my front windows, thus making me the scourge of my neighborhood. Let’s go for a repeat of last year, shall we? Bring on the playoffs!

Image credit: AP/MassLive.