Mom & Dad Sharing Child-Rearing . . . An Anomaly?
Apparently when a mom and a dad share the child-rearing workload, it’s a major news story. At least according to the New York Times.
The cover story of this weekend’s New York Times Magazine – entitled, “Will Dad Ever Do His Share” (not a very nice topic for Father’s Day weekend) – was downright depressing. While the piece did feature couples who participate in “the equal-parenting movement” (we need a movement, with an official name and, I suppose, name tags and literature, to get parents to do their jobs?), it also included some dire statistics, . . . dire if you’re a mother raising young kids that is.
Among the upsetting stats: Women handle more child care duties in their households than men by a margin of nearly five to one. Even if you remove the whole employment factor and look at two-income families, women still spend 11 hours a week caring for the couple’s children, to men’s three hours. Sampson Lee Blair, a professor of sociology specializing in families, told the Times, “The most striking part is that none of this is all that different, in terms of ratio, from 90 years ago.”
So, I guess it IS news when mothers and fathers share the burdens (and yes, of course, the JOYS, but no one complains about the joys) of child-rearing.
In my household, because I work from home, I bear the brunt of the responsibility for doctors’ appointments and trucking kids to activities, although The Spouse has coached several of the kids’ teams and makes it to the practices and games. When The Spouse is home (and not commuting during dinner time as he usually does) he will make or help make dinner, particularly if he’s trying to butter me up so he can go play basketball with the guys. He does the laundry and has almost always been in charge of making sure the kids have been bathed at night. If he hasn’t left for work before the kids have gone to school in the mornings, we tag-team breakfast duty and school lunch-making. I have precious little about which to complain regarding the ratio of child-rearing work The Spouse does, except when he has a string of really late nights, misses a bunch of meals and I get cranky about it.
What about in your household? Do both parents share the work or is Mom responsible for a disproportionate amount of the work? And if Mom does most of the child-rearing is it because she wants to or because she thinks she does it “better” than Dad?
Local mom and author Meredith O'Brien gives you a peek behind the picket fences of modern day parenting. With humor and candor, it's her take on real parenting in the real world.
In our household, my wife carries more of the child rearing duties. We started equally when I had 30 days off from work when our son was born. Then I went back to work and lost part of my connect with him: it hurt. This eventually translated to him only wanting Mommy at night while I slept for my day shift job. So, I picked up more of the household duties. I cook almost all dinners. I do most of the cleaning. I handle the bills. I make sure the repairs are done as they come up. She handles the baby more and takes care of the babies room. It’s surprising how much we share without someone telling us that fathers are incompetent.
One thing I need to say, I’m not hardwired like my wife. I don’t feel the need to handle kids as much. God bless her endurance! I’m sure she loves my nightly cooking too, and the weekend cooking on top of that that I do for us.
Comment by John Esberg — June 17, 2008 @ 7:02 am
Articles like this unfairly categorize work. Men and women very often fall into stereotypical household and childcare jobs and roles. Everytime i hear that men do less household or childcare jobs it burns me up. Is anyone looking at how often the women take out the trash, mow the lawn or complete home or auto repair? In the households where men do take up more of the childcare work, who does the other so-called “men’s chores”? If men and women are different and each has tendencies (biological, sociological or otherwise) then women may do more child care and “household work”. In the end, I doubt it results in men getting the opportunity to lounge around more.
Comment by Henry — June 17, 2008 @ 3:05 pm