Picket Fence Post

Actually, it’s not me who has the homework. Not nominally anyway. It’s two of my kids who have the assignments.

Which is apparently now my problem. Because they’ve been given assignments that require that I (or their father) drop everything and make sure that they’re completed TONIGHT.

My second grader has informed me that for tonight’s homework assignment, he and his parents must conduct a family fire drill, test all the fire alarms in the house and discuss what we’re supposed to do in the event of an emergency. (That’s on top of the 20 minutes of reading a parent is supposed to supervise each night.)

My fourth grade daughter told me I have to let her use my computer TONIGHT so she can go to a web site, “look stuff up” and then write some paragraphs about it. (Yeah, I’m lettin’ a 10-year-old near the internet without my supervision or a parent lurking around. Not. And, by the way, I’m USING my computer right now. For work.)

My twin fourth graders also have these delightful fluency assignments where, on Mondays through Thursdays, a parent is supposed to listen to the student read aloud an excerpt from a book (sometimes a poem) they’ve been given. (A few weeks ago, the passage was about ants and how ant queens would go to other colonies and kill the reigning monarch.) Depending on what skill is being tested that day (accuracy, expression, rate of speed, or all of ‘em), you have to grade the child on a four-point scale. And you have to do this three times in a row each night. That’s when it’s not Thursday and all three kids have to study for a spelling test, and my daughter has to complete a math worksheet in three minutes while you watch her, time her and then grade her work.

Don’t get me wrong. I love knowing what my children are studying and witness them progressing academically. It’s part of my job as a parent to look over their homework. I want to know what books they’re reading. Those things are important, as is the ability of the children to safely navigate the internet and complete math problems correctly.

What I don’t like is the fact that assignments get dumped on the parents with no notice, when we might have other things to do, such as our own work, shuttling other children in the family around, and, oh, I don’t know, life? It’s one thing to give the children an assignment that they can complete on their own; it’s another to give them an assignment that requires direct parental involvement and is due TOMORROW. A little notice would be much appreciated. Many families I know are already harried and running on the power of caffeinated beverage alone (particularly given the hideously late night antics of the Red Sox). It doesn’t take much to send our delicately balanced days off-kilter.

But, I’ve got to go now . . . I haven’t graded my daughter’s fluency assignment yet, nor have I overseen the Youngest Boy’s reading (make sure he does his reading) or helped him with his fire escape plan. I also have to track down the Eldest Boy, because there’s certain to be some parental assignment lurking in his backpack. I was planning to take the kids to the library late this afternoon, since this is the only day when they don’t have some sort of sports practice or game. But, with all this homework I’ve been given, I don’t know if that’s going to be possible.

If I’m not mistaken, I finished the 2nd and 4th grades a long, long time ago, in a lifetime that seems so very far away . . .