Picket Fence Post

Jen Singer first started making moms feel better about their parenting by entertaining them with stories on her web site, MommaSaid.net. She followed that up with her book, You’re a Good Mom (And Your Kids Aren’t So Bad Either). Now she’s back on the case, this time tackling the issue of raising toddlers with her new book, Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: The Toddler Years. Jen fielded a handful of questions from me this week about her book about raising little maniacs.

Meredith O’Brien, Picket Fence Post: There are a lot of books out there which provide advice to pregnant women and parents of babies, not as many for parents with toddlers. I found coping with the insanity of toddlers to be much more difficult than dealing with babies, particularly babies who weren’t yet mobile. Do you think people underestimate how much work toddlers are?

Jen Singer, author, Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: The Toddler Years:  It’s as though people assume that once you figure out how to be a mother, the rules never change. But each stage of motherhood has its own challenges — and toddlers are particularly challenging. Now your baby isn’t a baby anymore. She’s mobile and full of her own ideas that don’t always jibe with yours. She can be more of a danger herself, and she can throw a tantrum if she disagrees with you.

I wrote the book to help moms through this crazy time, because toddlers aren’t babies, and their needs aren’t the same.

Meredith: Your book’s title suggests that parents need to “stop second-guessing” themselves. Do you think parents have lost their confidence these days, if so, why?

Jen: Parenting in the 21st century had become a spectator sport: Everybody has something to say about how you’re doing it. I’m not just talking about the old ladies at the supermarket who tell you to put a hat on your baby. I mean bloggers, commenters and Twitterers who have no qualms about letting you know when they think you”re doing something wrong when it comes to parenting. Add in the pressure for perfect parenting — getting the right nutrition, the best education, the bevy of activities — and you can understand why moms today second-guess themselves. But it’s time we simplify parenting and get back to trusting our guts.

Meredith: Throughout the book, you encourage parents to assert themselves. At one point, you even say, “Do be the boss.” Are today’s parents not feeling like the boss in their own homes?

Jen: We’ve become such a kid-focused society that it can feel like parents are no longer in charge. Why do you think shows like Supernanny are such a hit? Our generation is almost afraid to parent — to be the boss. But children actually want boundaries. And if you don’t give them to them, and start it early, your kids will run your house.

Meredith: One of the biggest challenges, if you’re the parent of an active toddler, is a child’s penchant for dashing away just for sport, particularly if you’ve got your arms full or you’re out shopping someplace. When I had 2-year-old toddler twins and was eight months pregnant with my third child, I’ll never forget my horror when my daughter broke away from me and headed toward a street when we were leaving a playground. I had to grab her twin brother beneath one arm and ran/waddled after her to grab her before she reached the road.

One of your pieces of advice for parents of toddlers who are wont to run away from their parents in public is to consider one of those toddler leashes, however I’ve heard some parents recoil at the notion. What would you say to critics of the tethers, including the cute ones that look like backpacks?

Jen: While I’m not a fan of leashes — I never used one — I can see why some parents of toddlers would resort to one. If you’ve got triplet toddlers, or if you’re pregnant and have a kid who acts like Dash from The Incredibles, a leash might just be the answer, especially if you live in a city. But a leash is only one part of a possible solution. As I say in the book, “Teach your toddler to stay close by rewarding good behavior and punishing her after she laughs maniacally while racing toward the automatic doors that lead to the road.”

Meredith: Off the top of your head, what’s the one, sanity-saving piece of advice in your book that you wish someone had given you before you had a toddler in the house?

Jen: From the book, “Don’t bribe or threaten, no matter how tired you are. I admit that I once promised to drive my son to the Crayola Factory — ninety minutes away — if he’d just forget about the green crayon he’d lost and go to sleep. Instead, he shouted for his crayon even louder, waking up his little brother. As a result, we all wound up awake — until four a.m.” 

Image credit: Amazon.com.