Picket Fence Post

While reading Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch blog this week, I came across an entry about Bill Cosby winning the Mark Twain prize for American humor. Attached to the end of the post was a YouTube video that brought back a flood of memories: Cosby’s stand-up routine where he described serving his children chocolate cake for breakfast. (”Dad is great . . . he gives us chocolate cake.”)

I haven’t seen this video in decades and it’s still funny, funnier still now that I’m a parent.

Enjoy.

Item #1: Scary Movie Previews

Back in July, I blogged about how irritated I was to find, prior to a 1 p.m. mid-week showing of a PG movie about wizards, a movie preview for a PG-13 apocalyptic film about the end of the world and one for an as-yet-unrated film which included examples of close-contact brutal violence. Both trailers terrified my 11-year-olds.

I was even more irritated a few weeks later when I went to see the PG-13 film about Julia Child — to which I’d considered taking my 11-year-old daughter — and was treated to a trailer for a movie about a homicidal stepfather who went after his stepkids with a chainsaw and a knife.

So I called a spokesman for a national chain of movie theaters and asked him to kindly explain to me: Who picks these previews to accompany the feature films, whether the time of day is considered when selecting trailers and if the expected feature film audience is taken into consideration. The result is my November GateHouse News Service column in which I argue that theaters aren’t making wise choices about which trailers they’re choosing to run prior to movies.

Item #2: Baby Einstein Refunds

Perhaps you’ve read the news that the Disney Corporation is offering people who purchased Baby Einstein videos a $15.99 refund each, for up to four DVDs per household (for DVDs purchased between June 5, 2004 through Sept. 5, 2009). Why the refunds? Because the videos aren’t quite as “educational” as the company made them seem, the New York Times reported.

Over on the web site Mommy Tracked — where I’m a contributing columnist — author/columnist Stefanie Wilder-Taylor had a snarkily funny response to the news:

“It made perfect sense to me that I could sit my children in front of a DVD that shows colorful sock puppets moving at a pace slower than my grandma on the interstate highway and expect them to come away a prodigy. The only movement any of my kids produced after watching Baby Mozart was in their Pampers.”

Item #3: The Jig is Up

Remember yesterday when I posted an item about The Eldest Boy having lost three teeth in the span on 15 minutes. Well, as of the morning, I was informed by said child that the jig is up and that he knows “the truth” about not just the Tooth Fairy, but the dude in the red suit. The news filled me with a twinge of nostalgic sadness.

Dear Tooth Fairy,

We had an unusual 15 minute interval here in the Picket Fence Post household this afternoon. During that time the 11-year-old boy — known as The Oldest Boy — lost, count ‘em, not one, not two, but three molars.

The first one was a casualty to a sticky yellow candy he was eating that he’d gotten from a Halloween party he attended over the weekend. (In the photo you can see the remnants of said candy on one of the teeth.)

The second one was lost when The Oldest Boy was checking to see if other teeth were loose. “Hey, I can get my fingernail under this one,” he said, seconds before he held out his hand with another bloody molar sitting in his palm.

When he called his father to tell him about losing two molars, he put his dad on speakerphone and continued checking his remaining baby teeth for looseness. Out popped another one. (Isn’t he supposed to lose teeth AFTER Halloween because of all that candy?)

“Is he okay?” my husband asked, alarmed that his son lost so many teeth so quickly, concerned he was becoming the human equivalent of a Bumble after Hermey, the wanna-be dentist did his work. And the kid hadn’t even been playing hockey at the time.

So I’m writing to you, kind Tooth Fairy, to remind you that when you come here tonight — please don’t forget like you did last time! — bring cash. And lots of it.

Sincerely,

Meredith

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, a family and child therapist known on the Internet as “The Go-To Mom,” creates videos for parents about everything from potty training and handling a toddler who has a penchant for running away from mom and dad, to dining out in public with young kids. Now she’s become a book author/editor, compiling and recruiting mom writers and businesswomen to muse on the topics of the Internet, women, motherhood and business. Clayton Blaine, who also contributed her own essays to The Internet Mommy: Inspiring Interviews and Stories from Mothers Who Work and Play Online (Disclosure: One of my columns is included in the book), agreed to field some questions.

Meredith O’Brien, Picket Fence Post: Your collection of 13 interviews and 30 essays address a wide swath of subjects, from advice on how to start your own online business and blogging about  parenthood, to the pressure to do everything with aplomb — work, parenthood, romantic relationships, perfect homes and bodies.  What do you hope readers will take away from reading Internet Mommy?

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, The Internet Mommy: I thought moms would enjoy reading about other moms who work play online. But what I didn’t expect was for the book to be a guide or teaching tool to the extent that it’s being used. I’ve gotten feedback from mom bloggers who are highlighting advice and bookmarking pages so they can implement the ideas to further their online careers. I wanted to produce an “offline” publication in part to show the media what moms are really doing online — making friends, earning  money, obtaining parenting advice and making a name for themselves.

O’Brien: Why and how did you put this book together?

Clayton Blaine: As a producer of online women and family content, I regularly make a habit of watching how moms conduct their lives online. The moms featured in my book, who I refer to as the “circle of moms,” were introduced to me through my tenacious social networking. I bumped into them on Twitter, Facebook, from Google alerts, by being a fan of their blogs, or by directly contacting them as potential partners. A lot of these women believe in reciprocating — I’ll do for you if you do for me. It’s a win-win. The support that I received from these online moms is what really inspired me to create the book.

There are many amazing moms doing impressive things online — so many that there are times I find myself green with envy. Many of the women in this book have impressive visitor statistics, make good money, have high caliber advertisers, large publisher book deals or are highly regarded for their advocacy efforts around motherhood. Their successes were even more reason to bring them into the “circle of moms.” Some were easy to get to write an essay for the book, others were hard to contact or very busy that they barely made the deadline!

The “circle of moms,” in my book are women who have a successful online web presence. There are a few moms in my book who don’t generate revenue from their online endeavors, but who do clearly impact thousands of mothers with what they offer. However, the one thread that holds them together is the ever-so-popular, “non-compete” clause. We are all here to support each other, competing only holds women down. The Internet is HUGE, so I suggest we make room for all! There are so many other moms who should have been in my book, but I simply did not have the connection, time or mode to include them. I’m just thankful that they (and you) took the time to help out.

O’Brien: Do you see the Internet as the new frontier for mom-run businesses? Why?

Clayton Blaine: I think any business eventually has to have some online presence. The Internet is clearly a great way to market a mom’s business. Having a web page is not good enough. Businesses now need to commit to socially engaging their clients or post write-ups on their service or products. Social marketing along with networking is key, and women are particularly good at that!

O’Brien: A good portion of the essays and interviews dealt with women who started blogs about parenting and write some pretty personal stuff about themselves and their families. One essay by Beth Blecherman entitled, “Live Blogging Pillow Fight with My Three Boys” focused on Blecherman’s decision to post updates about her kids’ pillow fight on Twitter as it unfolded. Do you think that blogs and social networking has changed modern parenthood, if so, why?

Clayton Blaine: I truly believe that blogs and especially social networks have changed modern parenthood by bridging the gap between parenting and technology. I included Beth’s Twitter posts about her boys’ pillow fight because it’s a great example of how moms stay connected to other moms, which in the past could not have been done so easily. I have more friends now that I’m online running my business than I did eight years ago when I was not online. I have intertwined my business and social life. I don’t feel isolated online. When I’m in a rut, I pop on Twitter and get some quick answers from other moms. I just love that. Or I’ll drop a direct message to someone asking for advice. I’m more efficient at running an online business because I’m not in a rush to shut down the shop at the end of the day. I can play and work at the same time. On the flip side, since I work at home, I can leave the computer for a few hours and be with my children. The flexibility is invaluable.

This past weekend, my column on the plethora of inappropriately sexy Halloween costumes being marketed to young girls ran on the front page of the MetroWest Daily News’ Sunday Opinion Section.

It must’ve been serendipity because the very next day, I saw this photo of Miley Cyrus’ 9-year-old sister Noah dressed up for a Halloween party looking as though she’d donned one of the costumes I’d railed against as being bad for young girls and sending them the wrong messages.

The blog DListed had more photos of Noah in her costume which were just as stomach-churning as this one.

When I see these Halloween photos, along with teenaged Miley Cyrus’ recent pole dancing act at the Teen Choice Awards in August, I don’t feel confident in the message the Cyrus family is attempting to send to young girls, especially when my 11-year-old daughter’s a Hannah Montana fan.

Image credit: Juan Rico/Fame Pictures via Parent Dish.

I must say, I’m lovin’ these relatively light weeks for The Paper Project. Although it could just be light because The Youngest Boy missed a day of school this week due to illness and had a half-day on another. I feel like if I celebrate that not as many pieces of paper came home this week as on others, next week I’ll just get swamped. Kind of like mentioning that the pitcher’s throwing a potential “no hitter” DURING a game kind of jinxes it.

Annnway . . . this week’s school paper tally — in which the kids brought home announcements for things like a Pajama Day, an illustration of the life cycle of a fruit fly and a school raffle sheet (for which we families are all supposed to contribute items for themed class baskets) — was only 28 pieces of paper.

That brings the grand total to: 453.

 Item #1: ‘Screaming is the New Spanking’

A feature story telling readers that parents yell at their kids is akin to a story that says there will be a sunrise tomorrow morning. Unless you know only mellow,uncaffeinated, really Zen-like folk, you, or someone you know, has yelled at a kid. It’s not like this is a new trend, this shouting at irrational small people who like to push their parents’ buttons and nag you until your ears bleed. However the New York Times’ Style section ran a feature story this week which asserted that “screaming is the new spanking.”

As author Hilary Stout outlined how spanking has fallen out of favor (or is only done in super-top-secret for fear of ostracizing), she suggested that today’s parents have simply replaced spanking with shouting. “. . . [W]ith regularity, this is a generation that yells.” [Emphasis was NOT added by me. It was in the paper that way.]

Stout quoted a parenting coach as saying:

“This is so the issue right now. As parents understand that it’s not socially acceptable to spank children, they are at a loss for what they can do. They resort to reminding, nagging, timeout, counting 1-2-3 and quickly realize that those strategies don’t work to change behavior. In the absence of tools that really work, they feel frustrated and angry and raise their voice. They feel guilty afterward, and the whole cycle begins again.”

Do you think that GenXers yell at their kids more than parents did in the past? (I vote, “No.”)

Item #2: Pop Warner Scuffle

Speaking of screaming . . .

Did you get a load of the story this week about a Massachusetts dad who got peeved that his son’s Pop Warner football coach told the man’s 12-year-old son to run laps because the father had brought him to practice 10 minutes late? The dad started allegedly shouting a few things to the coach about his weight from the sidelines, according to news reports, at which point the coach allegedly suggested they meet in a secluded spot, where, police say the coach beat the father up. The dad wound up with a busted eye socket and other injuries and the coach was busted for assault.

What crossed my mind when I read this story? Putting aside the alleged taking of verbal pot shots — which the dad should NOT have done — and the alleged actual assault which, obviously, shouldn’t have happened either, it seems to me that some people take youth sports too seriously. This is sports for kids. Children.

I’ve had a kid who was on a sports team where the coach said he wanted to teach parents a lesson by making their kids run laps if the parents brought the kids late to practices. The kids aren’t in control of getting themselves to practice at this age, therefore I don’t think they should be held responsible for something that’s beyond their control.

When my kid told me about this new behavior modification technique by the coach, I responded by telling my child that I have three kids who all play sports, my own work obligations and a ton of other responsibilities outside of my kids’ recreational activities which The Spouse and I fund. I do the best that I can to get everyone where he or she needs to go on time. If you’re 10 minutes late for practice because I accidentally ran late, so be it. Running’s good for you.

(more…)

The three Picket Fence Post kids and I got to stay out late on a school night in order to see a preview last night of Harry Potter: The Exhibition at the Boston Museum of Science, courtesy of a Parents & Kids press pass.

The exhibit — which runs in Boston from Oct. 25 through February 21 — is a large collection of items (wardrobes, props, set pieces, etc.) from the Harry Potter films. Items included Harry’s wand and glasses, clothing (Daniel Radcliffe was soooo small when he was in the first film! Smaller than my 8-year-old.), his red velvet curtained bed from Hogwarts, his Quidditch gear, his Nimbus 2000 and the Marauder’s Map. There was Hermoine Granger’s gown from the Yule Ball and her Time-Turner. Hagrid’s hut, Buckbeak, the Fat Lady guarding the “picture frame door” to the Gryffinder area, Snape’s outfit and potions containers, Dolores Umbridge’s pink nightmare of an office (complete with kitty plates, the bloody quill and her fuzzy pink ensemble), Tom Riddle’s diary, Dobby and Fawkes were all there as well.

My kids — ages 11, 11 and 8 — loved walking through the mostly hands-off exhibit, though there was a chance for them to pull on some screaming Mandrakes in the Herbology section and toss the odd-shaped leather Quaffles through three Quidditch rings. They also liked the audio tour option; we were given handsets and could enter numbers which correlated with the items on display. That way we could hear Mrs. Weasley’s “howler” letter that she sent Ron as we saw it in his trunk.

However if you’re thinking about bringing very young kids, you might want to consider this: After you walk into the exhibit and are greeted by a robed Hogwarts “teacher” who picks a kid or two from the audience upon which to bestow the sorting hat (The Girl was picked and sorted into Gryffindor), you’re ushered into a darkened room with eight screens which show scenes from the movies. At first you see Harry as he grows up in the films, followed by his buddies and other Hogwarts scenes. Then, accompanied by loud, menacing music and sound, you see sinister images of Voldemort & Co., which caused my 8-year-old to bury his head into my side. I used my notebook to shield him and help cover his ears. A younger boy in our group, about 5, was so terrified by it, that he kept shrieking, “I’m scared! I want to get out of here!”

Other scary aspects of the exhibit included: The Forbidden Forest section, which had the giant spider Aragog, as well as the Dark Arts section which had Lord Voldemort’s billowing costume and two, life-sized Death Eater costumes, complete with skull-like masks. The masks were the scariest things in the whole exhibit, if you ask me, but I’m not 5 and standing from a vantage point of several feet lower than an adult. However these sections were easy to walk through briskly if there was a concern. My 8-year-old didn’t go over to the Voldemort/Death Eater section and avoided looking at the eerie Kreacher.

The exhibit concluded with the crowd being emptied out into the Harry Potter gift shop. And you’d best be prepared to empty your wallet. I think the coolest things we saw in the gift shop were the different wands, the Marauder’s Map and the wizard chess set.

Image credit: Chris Hollo/Museum of Science.

I have no more energy left to fight this battle.

With my 8-year-old.

Over what he’s going to eat for dinner every night.

I.

Have.

Had.

It.

And I’m tired of all these so-called food experts telling me that if I just make this, or serve something this way, or have the kid help me make something, or put smiley faces on the plate, or offer to put TV in his bedroom with unlimited TV viewing that he will eat the well rounded meals we make. I’m tired of reading articles telling me that if I keep serving up a wide array of foods I can turn any kid into a foodie. Newsflash for you folks: Ain’t gonna happen. Not with our youngest child. The Spouse and I have been trying for many years now. So I wish the food consultants would stop making me feel like a failure because The Youngest Boy won’t eat most of the food we serve him.

The Youngest Boy has NEVER been a good eater. When he was just a baby and starting to eat baby food, he refused veggies and quickly rejected almost everything but a handful of pureed fruits. I pulled out his baby book the other day and here’s an excerpt from the food section, “At 9 months, he despised chunky baby food. Wasn’t overly fond of carrots. Started rejected all baby food at 11 months. Then started rejecting most food.”

Carbs. That’s all he wanted. Even when I tried making the baby food myself, that didn’t work either.

I’ve consulted the cookbooks about slipping pureed veggies and meats into “kid friendly” foods to give them more of the nutrients they need. But the Youngest Boy caught on and would, most of the time, notice the difference. I’ve asked the pediatrician for suggestions and she’s, frankly, at a loss. I’ve tried to go the hey-let’s-make-everything-look-like-shapes route. I’ve had him cook with me. No dice.

This is the kid who can make himself vomit at will if The Spouse or I try to make him eat. (He’s also the same kid who goes absolutely nutty if he goes for more than three hours without food. It gets ugly. Trust me.) Once, I made him try, just try, one bite, of a banana. After about 10 minutes of cajoling and bribing, he took a bite, swished it around in his mouth, then vomited it back up. The same went for a piece of baked chicken we insisted he eat a year or so ago at the dinner table. It ended the same, stomach churning way.

Here’s what he WILL eat: Mac-n-cheese (ONLY from “the blue box,” ONLY some of the time though it’s difficult to predict when those times might be, ONLY if it’s not “too cheesy,” NEVER homemade), bean burritos with cheese, scrambled eggs, bagels with cream cheese, waffles, pancakes, cereal, apples, carrot sticks, peanut butter sandwiches, pasta with very plain marinara sauce on the side and an occasional meatball, hamburgers, pizza and a turkey sandwich (ONLY if it’s fresh turkey and he’s not in a persnickety mood). That’s about it. He, ironically, eats a wider variety of food at school because he said he actually likes their cooking better than mine or The Spouse’s. He adores cafeteria food.

Tonight The Spouse and I were in the mood to make a simplified version of my grandmother’s paella, a very much modified chicken, chorizo and saffron rice concoction. But then I remembered that The Youngest Boy hadn’t eaten a decent dinner in days. Last night he turned his nose up at the two entree choices — homemade corn chowder and a store-made chicken pot pie — and instead had cereal. The previous night, he took a pass on the steak, mashed potatoes, sliced apples, sliced cucumbers, store-bought though warmed croissants and teriyaki spinach/walnut dish. No, wait, he ate the apples, along with a bowl of cereal.

So instead of making what we wanted to eat, The Spouse and I made homemade chicken nuggets (with a recipe from one of the sneaky mom cookbooks), garlic/chicken couscous with accompanying white beans on the side, sliced cucumbers (The Girl, who’s also picky, WILL eat cucumbers), sliced apples and sauteed yellow squash. We thought we’d have a better chance of The Youngest Boy eating this particular meal because, at least once in the recent past, he said he liked my homemade chicken nuggets. It was not our night, however. Guess what he ate? Apples. And a single bean, a bite of a third of a single cucumber slice and a teeny, tiny chicken nugget piece. And only because we made him, after we endured a pleading melodrama for what seemed like a teeth-grinding eternity.

At least he drank two cups of milk.

Image credit: FunDraw.

UPDATE: Good grief. The local sheriff in Fort Collins, Colorado says the whole thing was a hoax. Charges are pending. I complain about the fact that I gave the Heenes the benefit of the doubt here.

I’ve chronicled both in my pop culture blog, Notes from the Asylum, and in my new Mommy Tracked column the bizarre story of the Heene family, the runaway homemade helium balloon, the Black Hawk helicopter sent to save the boy in the balloon (who wasn’t actually in the balloon), the hiding 6-year-old, the 6-year-old telling Wolf Blitzer that he hid “for the show,” the family’s TWO appearances on the reality show Wife Swap (where the dad Richard swore at the woman who was his swapped wife, threw stuff at her and laughed as his children also swore at her and flipped her off), the rap video on YouTube featuring the three Heene boys called “Not Pussified,” and the multiple interviews the family did this morning on national TV even though the 6-year-old Falcon was repeatedly puking on live television. Then there was the report late today by the gossip site TMZ that the Heene family has reportedly been shopping a reality show around Hollywood. Oy.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this mess.