Picket Fence Post

 Item #1:  Call it ‘Harassment’ Not ‘Bullying’

What if, just for kicks, we stopped referring to the on-going harassment and humiliation of children — which interferes with their ability to function in school — as “bullying,” and, instead, started calling it what it really is, which is “harassment?”

After I read several pieces in today’s Boston Herald about children being subjected to physical and emotional harassment in school which left them feeling unsafe and unable to concentrate – along with school officials, by and large, not doing much to stop the behavior – I kept  wondering why it’s not simply called “harassment.” The word “bullying” seems insufficient. As does the word “teasing,” which I’ve also heard invoked to refer to this subject.

One Herald article, entitled “Bullied kids ‘helpless’ against attacks” started thusly:

“Hundreds of angry parents, worried teachers and even terrorized kids are reporting ugly episodes of brutal bullying at schools across Massachusetts as the heartwrenching case of Phoebe Prince continues to expose a painful nerve.

The abuse — detailed in e-mails and phone calls to the Herald – is emotionally jarring, often physical and spreading like a merciless virus in cyberspace.

Kids tell of being forced to drink toilet water, getting pummeled on the bus and seeing themselves ridiculed for all to see on Facebook.

. . . A Boston Latin High School parent said the bullying was so bad her son had to leave the elite school. A teacher on the South Shore said she’s sick over special-needs girls being photographed in the bathroom — only to learn it was all posted on Facebook.”

An accompanying Herald column, “Parents’ pleas fall on deaf ears,” painted a picture of parents feeling likewise helpless when it comes to putting an end to the harassment of their kids at the hands of their classmates:

“‘We told the school and the school did nothing.’

That’s the common refrain I’ve heard over and over since news broke of the apparent suicide of 15-year-old Phoebe Prince of South Hadley, who was relentlessly hounded by high school bullies.

Incredibly, her tormentors remain in class, protected by the school. Yet in conversations with parents and in more than 100 voice mails and e-mails, I learned that protecting bullies, not the bullied, is hardly unique to South Hadley. It’s now the rule in our schools.”

If the student victims were instead adult employees at a company being harassed by a peer, their supervisor would have to step in and stop the harasser from creating a hostile work environment or face a possible lawsuit. If one adult wouldn’t leave another one alone, a criminal restraining order could filed against the harasser. So why can’t the schools do more, like workplaces have done?

Item #2: ‘The Middle’s’ Mom Worries About Her Yelling

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know that the parenting “experts” love to tell us that we shouldn’t yell at our kids, that we’re supposed to have abundant patience, that we’re supposed to “talk” through things with our kids, to try in earnest to reason with irrational people.

Then there’s real life.

In the most recent episode of ABC’s The Middle, the mom (Patricia Heaton) decided that she yelled and nagged at her three children (two teens and a tween) too often. She decided she needed to reform her ways. No more yelling. No more nagging. She was going to trust her children to do what is right, to be responsible enough to complete their research papers on their own, to make arrangements for their own babysitting gigs and to figure out what they’re doing to do for Crazy Hat Day at school. Then reality intervened and the fictional kids proved that, as much as they claimed to hate her reminding them to get their stuff done on time, they actually needed their mom to do it. 

As for my kids, I’d let them feel the heat for forgetting their stuff — like the teen who didn’t get his research paper cover — and maybe they’d learn a lesson.

Item #3: Testing for Kindergarten

If you’re looking to be truly horrified, check out the cover story of this week’s New York Magazine, called, “The Myth of the Gifted Child: If a four-year-old aces an intelligence test, she is often set for life. Trouble is, that test is worthless.” It’s about people prepping — sometimes at great cost — their 4-year-olds in order to take tests on which entrance to kindergarten hinges.

An excerpt:

“. . .[I]n New York, it turns out that awful lot is still determined by a child’s 5th birthday. Nearly every selective elementary school in the city, whether it’s public or private, requires standardized exams for kindergarten admission, some giving them so much weight they won’t even consider applicants who score below the top 3 percent. If a child scores below this threshold, it hardly spells doom. But if a child manages to vault over it, and in turn gets into one of these selective schools, it can set him or her on a successful glide path for life.”

A test, when a kid’s still into Elmo, determining his or her lot in life? Seriously?