Picket Fence Post

Item #1: Obama’s Sweet Parental Leave Policy

While most parents I know who try to simultaneously work and raise kids — or juggle the needs of multiple kids at the same time — struggle to make an appearance at every kid-centric event their children have, I found myself feeling envious of President Obama’s ability to put everything aside, including budget talks and national security, in order to attend one of his kids’ events.

In a recent New York Times piece entitled, “He Breaks for Band Recitals,” a senior advisor to the president told the paper: “There are certain things that are sacrosanct on his schedule — the kids’ recitals, soccer games, basketball games, school meetings. These are circled in red on his calendar, and regardless of what’s going on he’s going to make those. I think that’s part of how he sustains himself through all this.”

I think I need a presidential advisor handling my schedule.

Item#2: Seinfeld on the Poison ‘P’s’

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld, the father of three kids (ages 4, 6 and 9) told Parade Magazine recently that he’s figured out what’s wrong with today’s kids, something he calls, “The Poison P’s.”

Praise: “We tell our kids, ‘Great job!’ too much.”

Problem-solving: “We refuse to let our children have problems. Problem-solving is the most important skill to develop for success in life, and we for some reason can’t stand it if our kids have a situation that they need to ‘fix.’ Let them struggle. It’s a gift.”

Pleasure: As in, “giving your child too much pleasure.” Seinfeld said that because parents believe that today’s children aren’t as innocent as we used to be when we were young, “We feel so guilty for destroying that innocence — which is what we did — so we’re now trying to repair that by creating perfect childhoods for our children.”

Betcha his kids would reply with a nice, “Yadda, yadda, yadda.”

Item #3: Bullies in the Bull’s-Eye

Remember that horrific story a few weeks ago about the bullies in the Massachusetts town of South Hadley, who, according to news reports, drove a 15-year-old girl to commit suicide? Well the school superintendent has announced that the students involved in harassing the girl have faced disciplinary action and may also face criminal charges, according to Fox and the Boston Herald.  

In the meantime, the issue of students harassing other students in school to the point where the victims are fearful and can’t focus on their lessons, has become a hot button issue. Even Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick who, while relating his own personal experience with being the victim of harassment from fellow students when he was a child, said that harassers should be held accountable.

“Whatever we can do to create a safe environment for kids, that’s what we should do,” Patrick said, according to the Boston Herald. “If we can give teachers and administrators some extra tools, we should do that, and do it swiftly . . . Parents have to take responsibility, especially ones who are themselves parents of bullies. There is nothing in the [pending anti-bullying legislation] that absolves adults from their responsibility to teach kids how to behave respectfully.”

He said he was contacted by a 9-year-old boy from a Massachusetts school who needed help in dealing with kids harassing him and when Patrick met with the boy, the child appeared frightened. The governor said he went on the school’s intercom and told the students that there was to be no bullying at the school and that if there was, he’d have to return and deal with it personally.

Item #4: Trending Toward More Chores? I’m Skeptical.

On Valentine’s Day, the Boston Globe ran a story which claimed that a “modern trend” has been evolving where today’s parents are making their kids do more chores, like we all used to do back in the day, otherwise known as the Stone Age. Citing research from a Wellesley College sociology professor, the article said that parents have been “reasserting” the importance of chores in the past 15 years.

I don’t buy it. Not that we here in the Picket Fence Post household don’t make our children do chores — we do — it’s just that I find it hard to believe that many other parents are doing the same thing. I’d be shocked if even half of today’s kids have to do regular chores.

What do you think? How prevalent do you think chores are today?

Image credit: Kevin Lamarque/Reuters via the NYT.

Okay, so I get dragged to see dreck like The Squeakquel and other such fare on occasion with the Picket Fence Post children. But when the movies aimed at my kids seem like they’ll be decent, well, I’m simply thrilled.

I recently came across the preview for the third installment of the Toy Story series, which has been forever in the works. My eldest two kids fell in love with Toy Story years ago. The Eldest Boy (now 11) and The Youngest Boy dressed as Buzz Lightyear for several Halloweens, while The Girl went as Jessie the Cowgirl one year. We owned a couple of Buzz Lightyears, two Woodys, two Jessies and one Bullseye the horse.

And while my 11 year olds may protest that they’re too old to see Toy Story 3, there’s a chance that my 8-year-old will want to see this with me. (And I’d actually like to see it too.) In the preview, we learn that Andy is *sniff* going to college and has to figure out what to do with all his toys. It looks like most of the crew is being donated to some sort of pre-school.

Then there’s the live action movie that’s based on the first Diary of a Wimpy Kid book. The preview for Diary of a Wimpy Kid, the movie made my kids laugh and I have feeling that, after this movie comes out, we’re going to be hearing a lot more about “The Cheese Touch.”

Item #1: Banning Kids’ Photos on Christmas Cards

Who amongst you, my dear readers, has sent out Christmas/Hanukkah cards with images of your kids on it? I’d venture to guess that if you have any children who are of grade school age, 99 percent of our holiday cards included some form of a photo of said kiddos.

After looking over the array of holiday greetings that  have been delivered to the Picket Fence Post family’s home, I couldn’t find a single one from a family with young kids that didn’t include a photo of said cherubs.

The Picket Fence Post’s family Christmas/Hanukkah card included photos of the kids and our dog Max, however they prominently featured anti-perfectionist snark. I included an image of the pillow fight the kids had in the middle of our disastrous Christmas photo session which was marked by tears, puffy red eyes (from the crying) and arguments over the fact that I was supposedly “torturing” my children with a cruel and unusual punishment of having the nerve of asking them to put on some nice duds and sit still on the sofa. They might as well have called it Gitmo-New England the way they were acting.

Anyway . . .  a former college newspaper colleague of mine at the Boston Globe penned a sarcastically funny column this week decrying the flood of generic, processed photocards with the “grinning moppets” on them that he’d been receiving, the kind you get from Shutterfly and the like (Full Disclosure: I got mine from Snapfish):

“I know this may come across as mildly offensive, but I am asking as nicely as possible: Please keep your kids off my Christmas cards . . .

Simply put, it’s a Christmas card, not an advertisement for your blissful existence. If I’m interested in seeing your children, your vacations or your dog dressed as an elf, I’ll look at your Facebook page, thank you very much.

. . . Before you paint me as a total ogre (I only admit to being half-ogre, on my mother’s side), let me say if you’d like to send a photo of your family inside an actual greeting card, along with a quick handwritten message, I’d be very happy.”

What do you think of the nearly unanimous use of photocards among families with young children? Do you think they should have something handwritten on them?

Item#2: Fluff-Eating Pup

I was on a tight deadline and was thisclose to completing a column. I needed some quiet and some major physical distance put between me and the three bickering kids, who’d still managed to maintain their near-constant arguements as they were cozily set up in the family room for their TV hour, though these days the definition of the word “hour” is more concept than reality.

“Please watch Max, I need to go upstairs to finish this column,” I said, referring to our now-7-month-old puppy who’ll still chew stuff up if he’s not watched carefully. Just this week, he’s killed a couple of Star Wars figures, gnawed on slippers and socks left within his reach, and has pulled kids’ backbacks off of kitchen chairs to root around for stuff inside.

The children all acknowledged that they’d heard me and acted as though they had it all under control, with Max curled up next to The Girl on the sofa.

About a half-hour later, The Spouse came home and I could hear his shouting from my upstairs bedroom to which I’d retreated with my laptop: ”What happened here? Argh!” Max had somehow eluded the TV-addicted children’s supervision, walked over to the pantry (which was open but I don’t know why) and found our big plastic tub of Marshmallow Fluff lying on the floor, its cover, as always, only partially snapped down. Then he’d proceeded to gorge on Fluff.

The Spouse came upstairs a few minutes later to inform me of the goings-on while I tapped away at the keyboard. “I don’t even want to see what he looks like,” I said. When I returned to the kitchen, I learned that The Girl decided it’d be easier to cut off clumps of the pup’s hair around his mouth covered with the sticky substance. Oy.

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UPDATE: Good grief. The local sheriff in Fort Collins, Colorado says the whole thing was a hoax. Charges are pending. I complain about the fact that I gave the Heenes the benefit of the doubt here.

I’ve chronicled both in my pop culture blog, Notes from the Asylum, and in my new Mommy Tracked column the bizarre story of the Heene family, the runaway homemade helium balloon, the Black Hawk helicopter sent to save the boy in the balloon (who wasn’t actually in the balloon), the hiding 6-year-old, the 6-year-old telling Wolf Blitzer that he hid “for the show,” the family’s TWO appearances on the reality show Wife Swap (where the dad Richard swore at the woman who was his swapped wife, threw stuff at her and laughed as his children also swore at her and flipped her off), the rap video on YouTube featuring the three Heene boys called “Not Pussified,” and the multiple interviews the family did this morning on national TV even though the 6-year-old Falcon was repeatedly puking on live television. Then there was the report late today by the gossip site TMZ that the Heene family has reportedly been shopping a reality show around Hollywood. Oy.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this mess.

Item #1: Grandparents Want Hip Names

A few weeks ago, I wrote a column about how I thought the media were unfairly maligning Baby Boomer grandparents — specifically grandmothers – portraying them as too narcissistic to be bothered to do “grandmotherly” duties and pitting them against one another.

This week I saw yet another grandparent-centric article which deepened my suspicion that the media have grown tired of the old working mom/at-home mom “mommy wars” and is trying to drum up some excitement for the so-called ”nana wars.” This page one article in the Boston Globe focused on the fact that some grandparents don’t want their grandkids to call them by traditional names and prefer either their first names or something quirkier, hipper. The article entitled, “They love being grandparents, but call them something else,” begun this way:

“As the youth-obsessed baby boomers advance, albeit reluctantly, into the next phase of their lives, they are embracing grandparenthood with the same gusto they have expressed for everything else, be it exercise or adventure travel. They’re loading the grandkids’ video games onto their own iPods, listening to their music, and taking them on trips.

But grandparenting comes with a catch: It means you are getting old — or at least older. And that’s not sitting well with a generation that grew up on The Who singing, ‘I hope I die before I get old.” Sure, they want to be grandparents. Just don’t call them that.”

The article offered examples of grandparents who prefer to be called by their first names or unusual monikers such as Bubbles, Sharky, Pebbles, Rock, Gram-E and Nanno. Somehow I don’t think we’ve seen the last of the this-generation-of-grandparents-isn’t-playing-by-the-so-called-”rules” stories.

Item #2: ‘Free’ the Kids

I’m currently finishing reading the book Free-Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy, with whom I’m hoping to conduct a Q&A for posting on this blog next week. She makes the compelling argument that we’ve become too over protective of our children in all areas of their lives. And she’s not the only one who thinks so.

In my June Parents & Kids Magazine column entitled, “Free the Children: Not a Slogan for This Generation of Parents,” I addressed how different childhood is for kids today versus when we were youths (like when my parents used to regularly send me to the store to buy them cigarettes whereas today they’d be jailed for doing so). The column calls attention to an incident this spring involving the police, a 10-year-old boy and a mother who let said boy walk down the street solo to soccer practice and got harassed about endangering her child.

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Item #1: Amy Poehler’s Parenting Tips

Amy Poehler claimed a special place in my heart last fall when, while precariously close to the due date for her first child, she ferociously performed the infamous, wickedly funny ”Palin Rap” on Saturday Night Live. Now, soon after having given birth to her son, she’s back on the air with her new NBC sitcom, Parks & Recreation, to which I’m going to give some latitude because I think it’ll develop into something good. (At least that’s what I’m hoping. Got fingers crossed.)

Meanwhile the folks over at the Daily Beast  landed an interview with the new funny mom and asked her for favorite pieces of parenting advice. Among them:

– Always remember your kid’s name.

– Always remember where you put your kid.

– Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals.

That’s the kind of parenting advice I can really appreciate.

Item #2: Lost’s Bad Dads

If you’re a fan of the deliciously densely written, symbol-laden show Lost – I’m an addict, I admit it — you couldn’t help but notice that this week’s installment only advanced the argument that almost every character who goes to (or crashes on) that mysterious island has some sort of serious father issue with which to contend/overcome/make peace with, etc. (Wrote about it briefly on my Suburban Mom blog.)

There’ve been dads on this show who’ve ranged from physically and verbally abusive to outright homicidal toward their offspring, who’ve killed their children’s mothers, who’ve been dangerous alcoholics (including one who wielded a surgeon’s scalpel in the operating room while under the influence), who’ve abandoned their families and who’ve been emotionally absent. Now that their children have grown up to be damaged adults, they find themselves on this creepy, haunted island. (The web site Jezebel did a fine job of analyzing the multitude of Lost’s “daddy issues.”)

So, a word of warning to dads: Better be good to your kids or else they’ll grow up to be writers on a show like Lost and depict fathers as the root of all evil. I’m just sayin’ . . .

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As regular readers of the Picket Fence Post well know, the increased rate of children’s sports-related injuries is a pet issue of mine. Why do I have a bee in my bonnet about this issue?

First, I think that many adults — anyone from parents, coaches and those who stand to rake in big bucks from running a bazillion sports leagues, competitions, camps, classes, individual coaching sessions, etc. — push children too hard, particularly with the emphasis on single sport specialization and playing a single sport year-round. While in grade school.

Second, my own daughter has a persistent ankle injury, sustained in January 2008, that still plagues her today. She’s only 10. This spring The Spouse and I decided to tell her she couldn’t play soccer this season because she hasn’t been able to complete a season of either basketball or soccer since the fall of 2007, after which she suffered an ankle injury that hasn’t really healed. She’s had X-rays, an MRI, seen orthopaedic doctors and had physical therapy. And still, it continues to bother her.

So when my sister-in-law called me last night to alert me that NBC Nightly News was starting a two-part series on children’s sports injuries, I dropped everything and tuned in. The first segment pinned the blame for the increase in children’s injuries on overuse and on the fact that ”parents push the kids way too hard.” (Link to the first video here.)