Picket Fence Post

Item #1: ‘Mommy Porn’

That is not a typo. You have not inadvertently stumbled into one of THOSE sites, the ones that would get you fired if a supervisor happened to walk by and see it on your screen.

This item is entitled “Mommy Porn” because that’s the term Boston Globe columnist Penelope Trunk used in her blog, the Brazen Careerist, to describe the media’s fawning coverage of celebrity parents when they talk about how wonderful it is to balance work and parenthood. She says the media do not tell the truth about parenting and that the celebs who are interviewed likewise are tellers of tall tales.

An excerpt:

“So look, in the interest of truth-telling, I’m telling you this: people are not being honest about what it’s like to be with kids. People are scared to admit that they would rather be at work than with their kids, because work is easier than parenting . . . If I have to read about how much someone loves their kids one more time, I’m gonna puke. Because we all know that parents love their kids. It’s not interesting. It’s not helpful. It’s not even very relevant. For anyone.

. . . So with all the [celebrity] mommy porn, the media does a lot to make us think that work life balance is possible, in the same way anorexic bodies without treatment for anorexia is possible.

So there’s real damage from mommy porn. Everyone begins thinking that every woman should be parenting gracefully while working full time. This gives people the temerity to ask me, nearly every day: Who takes care of your kids?”

It’s a button-pushing post that is sparking debate around them there Internets.

Item #2: Obamas’ Canine Debate

Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama and his wife Michelle debated on national television whether and under what conditions the Illinois senator would keep his promise to his two young daughters to get a dog at the end of his campaign, the Los Angeles Times reported.

While speaking on Good Morning America, Michelle Obama said she thinks their 9-year-old is responsible enough to walk a dog. The senator, however, was not convinced, saying, “But whether they’re going to be responsible . . . in the middle of the winter to go walk that dog . . .” His wife jumped in, saying, “We’re getting a dog.”

Sounds like an average, American couple to me, arguing over who’s going to be getting up on those bitterly cold nights to walk the dog. Of course if Obama wins the race, he’ll have staff who can walk the dog, so he and his two daughters would be off the hook.

(more…)

This weekend’s Boston Globe Magazine contained a feature story asking this one central question:

Should you spy on your kids’ online and cell phone/texting activities? If so, how much?

I will be the first to admit that texting is a mystery to me. I’m sure I could figure it out if I needed to, but, at this point in time, I have neither the reason nor desire to possess such knowledge. I don’t IM but have done so when I worked for another web site. I’m planning to hold out — as long as humanly and socially possible — on buying my kids cell phones.

Currently, when my offspring (ages 9, 9 and 6) use the Internet, they do so on a laptop computer in the kitchen where everyone can see what they’re doing. Right now, as far as safety and the Internet are concerned, The Spouse and I are teaching them how to use it wisely, giving them such wise chestnuts of advice such as not to provide personal information to anyone online, instructing them how to safely search for information and how to find the right web site to, say, look up info about the Wright brothers.

But when they get older, when they start harassing me for a cell phone, when they develop the desire to communicate via texting, I’m going to face the dilemma of how much latitude I should provide them online and on their cell phones, and how much control/oversight I should utilize.

The gist of the Globe piece is that neither extreme, no oversight or too much, is advisable, however finding that sweet spot in between the two, the spot that provides some degree of freedom with some degree of oversight, seems tricky.

All I know is that the later I can put off buying a cell phone for my kids, the better. As long as I know where they are, who they’re with and how they’re getting home (and most of the time it’s Driver Mom who’s bringing them places) I see no need for each to have his or her own phone. To further build my anti-cell phone case, I just learned that a study has shown that teens who use cell phones a great deal (which would be, if you go by the Globe piece, all of them) have trouble sleeping and literally “put their health at risk,” according to the Washington Post . The article continued:

“‘The message is that adolescents who use their cell phones excessively are much more stressed, much more restless, much more fatigued, and have a greater tendency to develop sleep deprivation as a result of their calling habits,’ said study author Dr. Gaby Bader, an associate professor in the department of clinical neuroscience at Sahlgren’s Academy in Goteburg.”

With teens thinking that they need to be in contact with friends 24/7 as if they’re on-call ER docs making life-and-death decisions, a researcher said that the nearly “ubiquitous” cell phones have put “considerable pressure to keep in touch . . . and that this pressure can develop into an addiction with serious negative ramifications for adolescent health.”

But what do I know? I came of age in the era of the rotary dial telephone.

Ready for some politically incorrect satire of motherhood? Get a load of Lifetime TV’s “Mommy Madness” videos starring the quirky Angela Hoover.

Case in point, the video below about trying to work from home when you have small people scampering about. It reminded me of the time when I conducted a telephone interview with a district attorney and my then-toddler decided he no longer wanted to watch the video I’d turned on, went looking for me and started pounding on my bedroom door. I had to literally stick my head underneath my bed so I could hear the district attorney. Then, when the toddler continued laughing and persisted in kicking the door, I figured the DA likely heard the antics and I came clean with him, informing him that I was working from home. At least he was sympathetic. Or did a good job of pretending he was.

You might have heard of Jen Singer from her web site/blog MommaSaid. But it’s likely you’ll be hearing more about her as her new book, You’re a Good Mom (And Your Kids Aren’t So Bad Either) starts getting more buzz. (See the book trailer — yes now there are book trailers — above.)

I sent Singer five questions about the book – which promises to provide readers with “14 Secrets to Finding Happiness Between Super Mom and Slacker Mom.” She kindly answered them below:

Meredith O’Brien, Picket Fence Post: You’ve been blogging and writing about motherhood for some time. Why did you decide to write this book and how did you come up with the idea of 14 tips for moms?

Jen Singer, author, You’re A Good Mom (And Your Kids Aren’t So Bad Either): I’m a recovering Mom-aholic. Though I spent upwards of 100 hours a week with my two toddlers as a full-time stay-at-home mom, I felt guilty folding laundry because I wasn’t giving my children “teachable moments” all 100 of those hours. But when I started to ease up on my impossibly high standards of motherhood — the standards that 21st century mothers created — I realized I was happier, and so were my kids.

Still, I saw other moms slide down the slippery slope into giving up on parenting almost entirely. They stopped being their kids’ filter, letting their fifth graders have cell phones and allow them to show The Sopranos on the back of the school bus while thinking it’s cute to let their daughters wear “Future Trophy Wife” T-shirts to middle school.

I felt that there’s a sweet spot in between where you can be happy and turn out perfectly good kids. So I boiled it down to 14 steps for finding that spot and staying there, and put it into a book.

(more…)