Picket Fence Post

Item #1: Obama’s Sweet Parental Leave Policy

While most parents I know who try to simultaneously work and raise kids — or juggle the needs of multiple kids at the same time — struggle to make an appearance at every kid-centric event their children have, I found myself feeling envious of President Obama’s ability to put everything aside, including budget talks and national security, in order to attend one of his kids’ events.

In a recent New York Times piece entitled, “He Breaks for Band Recitals,” a senior advisor to the president told the paper: “There are certain things that are sacrosanct on his schedule — the kids’ recitals, soccer games, basketball games, school meetings. These are circled in red on his calendar, and regardless of what’s going on he’s going to make those. I think that’s part of how he sustains himself through all this.”

I think I need a presidential advisor handling my schedule.

Item#2: Seinfeld on the Poison ‘P’s’

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld, the father of three kids (ages 4, 6 and 9) told Parade Magazine recently that he’s figured out what’s wrong with today’s kids, something he calls, “The Poison P’s.”

Praise: “We tell our kids, ‘Great job!’ too much.”

Problem-solving: “We refuse to let our children have problems. Problem-solving is the most important skill to develop for success in life, and we for some reason can’t stand it if our kids have a situation that they need to ‘fix.’ Let them struggle. It’s a gift.”

Pleasure: As in, “giving your child too much pleasure.” Seinfeld said that because parents believe that today’s children aren’t as innocent as we used to be when we were young, “We feel so guilty for destroying that innocence — which is what we did — so we’re now trying to repair that by creating perfect childhoods for our children.”

Betcha his kids would reply with a nice, “Yadda, yadda, yadda.”

Item #3: Bullies in the Bull’s-Eye

Remember that horrific story a few weeks ago about the bullies in the Massachusetts town of South Hadley, who, according to news reports, drove a 15-year-old girl to commit suicide? Well the school superintendent has announced that the students involved in harassing the girl have faced disciplinary action and may also face criminal charges, according to Fox and the Boston Herald.  

In the meantime, the issue of students harassing other students in school to the point where the victims are fearful and can’t focus on their lessons, has become a hot button issue. Even Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick who, while relating his own personal experience with being the victim of harassment from fellow students when he was a child, said that harassers should be held accountable.

“Whatever we can do to create a safe environment for kids, that’s what we should do,” Patrick said, according to the Boston Herald. “If we can give teachers and administrators some extra tools, we should do that, and do it swiftly . . . Parents have to take responsibility, especially ones who are themselves parents of bullies. There is nothing in the [pending anti-bullying legislation] that absolves adults from their responsibility to teach kids how to behave respectfully.”

He said he was contacted by a 9-year-old boy from a Massachusetts school who needed help in dealing with kids harassing him and when Patrick met with the boy, the child appeared frightened. The governor said he went on the school’s intercom and told the students that there was to be no bullying at the school and that if there was, he’d have to return and deal with it personally.

Item #4: Trending Toward More Chores? I’m Skeptical.

On Valentine’s Day, the Boston Globe ran a story which claimed that a “modern trend” has been evolving where today’s parents are making their kids do more chores, like we all used to do back in the day, otherwise known as the Stone Age. Citing research from a Wellesley College sociology professor, the article said that parents have been “reasserting” the importance of chores in the past 15 years.

I don’t buy it. Not that we here in the Picket Fence Post household don’t make our children do chores — we do — it’s just that I find it hard to believe that many other parents are doing the same thing. I’d be shocked if even half of today’s kids have to do regular chores.

What do you think? How prevalent do you think chores are today?

Image credit: Kevin Lamarque/Reuters via the NYT.

Item #1: Triumphant Working Mom Tale

I’m a huge fan of the talk show Morning Joe on MSNBC (6-9 a.m. weekdays), chiefly because I like the easy rapport and smart, witty banter between the co-hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski. (My three kids now know the hosts by name and have been known to pause while eating their breakfast cereal to ask, “What is Joe TALKING about?”)

Despite having been a regular viewer of this show for a little more than a year, I didn’t know that Brzezinski had been let go by CBS in 2005 when she was 39 (when she learned “coincidentally” that one of the network higher ups didn’t think she was attractive enough, though she says that she doesn’t think that’s why she was fired). The mom of two went into a deep funk, wound up taking a job which paid a fraction of her original salary at CBS and . . . now she’s a successful TV host. Her interview with More Magazine in the October issue – which has the awesome Sela Ward on the cover — is worth reading if only to learn her philosophy about trying to succeed at your job and raise a family at the same time. “I’d rather spend one good hour with my kids a day than eight bad ones,” she said.

Item #2: Hollywood Babies After 40

 In that same issue of More Magazine, there was a feature about 10 celebs who have given birth to their first child after the age of 40, a trend which seems to be gaining traction in Hollywood. “The birthrate for women ages 40 to 44 has more than doubled in the past 25 years, and Hollywood is no exception to the trend,” More reported. Among those on the list: Holly Hunter who had twins at age 47, Mariska Hargitay who had her first son at age 42 and Marcia Cross who also had twins at 45.

Item #3: Welcome Home Daddy

One of the things about which members of the media were excited when a president with young children moved into the White House were photos like the ones taken recently of 8-year-old Sasha Obama, who was so excited that her dad, the president, had arrived home from a business trip that she ran to him and leapt into his arms. The same thing happens in my household when The Spouse gets home and our 8-year-old son launches himself into The Spouse’s arms, thrilled . . . only there’s no White House press corps to document it. Just me.

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Three events over the past several days which have been widely publicized and have provided parents with great examples which we can use to teach our kids how NOT to behave when you’re in public, particularly in front of a nationally (or internationally) televised audience.

Here are video snippets of the events, along with the chestnuts of wisdom I passed along to my kids about them:

Even if you don’t think the best person wins some award or honor, it’s best to keep your trap shut, especially when you’re at the event and the winner is about to speak. Don’t ruin that person’s moment. You have a right to your opinion that the person standing at the mike didn’t deserve the honor, certainly, but hijacking an event to express that opinion is plain wrong.

If you believe you were wronged by someone who’s judging you or who has authority over you — a teacher, a coach, a ref, a boss, etc. — it’s not wise to flip out, swear, threaten to shove various solid objects into other’s orifices and throw things, especially if you’re live on television. It’s unlikely that you’re going to get your way by acting that way.

If you’re sitting in the audience at a public venue, it’s rude to shout out to the person who’s speaking, no matter what, but especially if you’re going to shout out something negative. (We’re not talking about if you’re at a sporting event, though, just to be clear.) It’s one thing if you’re in a debate or you’re behind closed doors and you’re heatedly discussing something about which both you and another person are passionate, perhaps then you could challenge the veracity of what that other person is saying by using harsh rhetoric. But that’s only if it’s a debate or if you’re both engaged in an exchange of ideas. Screaming “You lie!” at someone, especially the president, when you’re sitting in an audience? Not cool.

Item #1: Mama/paparazzi

Are you a charter member of the mama/paparazzi? Do you stalk your offspring with all manner of AV equipment in order to chronicle every second of their little lives?

I used to be camera and video happy, in what seems like another lifetime ago, when my twins were babies and then toddlers. When kid number three arrived, we took photos and videos of all three of them up until around the time the youngest started pre-school. Then there was a precipitous drop off in the amount of video and still imagery The Spouse and I made of our children. Now, we usually only pull the cameras out when there’s an event, like a school concert or birthday party. Whereas I used to keep current with my scrapbooks up until a few years ago, right now, I’m still not even done with the 2007 family scrapbook. Things have definitely slowed down as far as pictures and videos are concerned. We’re being more selective about what images we make or record on video.

But in some quarters, the mama/paparazzi don’t let up and continue snapping the photos and taking the videos, as columnist Betsy Hart describes in her latest column:

“My brother aptly refers to such mob scenes of camera-toting parents as ‘the mom-and-paparazzi.’ They are everywhere. I still marvel when I see them at neighborhood block parties snapping their cameras as their 4-year-old child comes down the slide or jumps in a bouncy house. Are they really going to keep and look at all these photos anyway?”

Have you found your photo- and video-taking habits changed as your kids have gotten older? Remained the same? Do you upload every kid-related video to YouTube?

Item #2: Smothered Mothers

Over on Mommy Track’d (Full disclosure: I’m a contributing columnist there) author Leslie Morgan Steiner talks about how she’s hoping, really hoping, now that the New York Times has declared that the era of helicopter parenting is nearly over (*laughing, serious belly laughing, some scattered knee slapping*) that perhaps the era of obsessively judging other parents will be ending soon as well. Noting the Times’ observation that there’s backlash against helicopter parenting, Morgan Steiner wrote:

“. . . In addition to the damage inflicted upon kids by uber-hovering, we moms are the biggest victims . . . The pressure to micromanage our children in the name of good parenting is a trend, not a truth. The only truth is loving your children, caring for them as best you can, and scraping together a little (or a lot) of fun along the way.”

A-freakin’-men.

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Item #1: Obamas as Parents

The media seem obsessed with Barack and Michelle Obama, with Michelle’s clothing (tongues were clucking at the fact that she wore a sleeveless ensemble to her husband’s address to a joint session of Congress), with their daughters’ clothes, toys and JoBro fandom. Not a week has gone by when I haven’t read a story about the Obamas’ journey through parenthood.

This past Sunday, the New York Times ran yet another story about the Obamas’ parenting style, “First Chores? You Bet,” portraying them as loving, but strict with their daughters, ages 7 and 10:

“In the Obama White House, bedtime is still at 8 p.m. The girls still set their own alarm clocks and get themselves up for school in the morning. They make their own beds and clean their own rooms. And when the much-anticipated pet arrives, they will walk the dog and scoop its poop.

. . . Mr. Obama is a modern-day dad who leaves the Oval Office for dinner with his girls, rarely misses a parent-teacher conference or piano recital and prides himself on having read all seven books in the Harry Potter series aloud with Malia.

Mrs. Obama juggles play dates and homework with speeches to federal agencies and students. Both are committed to keeping their daughters grounded, their friends and aides say.”

As a mom with kids the exact same age as the Obamas — twins who are 10 and a 7-year-old — it will be interesting for me to watch them raise their children as I raise mine, but I’m hoping that the media will back off and let the family settle in and try to normalize the girls’ lives as much as life can be “normal” at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. And no more stories on the girls’ clothing or backpacks, please.

Item #2: You Looking to be Led by a First Daddy?

In the same issue of the New York Times, there was another article about Barack Obama, the dad, this time in the New York Times Sunday Magazine. Entitled, “Father in Chief,” this piece by Lisa Belkin likened being a dad to being the president:

“We are intrigued by the first family not only because their children are adorable and so excited about getting a puppy and meeting the Jonas Brothers but also because our president seems to be such a good father — loving but not a pushover, thrilled that he now has a job where he can be with the girls for breakfast and dinner, strict about their chores, slightly cranky when their school is canceled ‘because of what? Some ice?’”

Then she swerved into a comparison, saying governing is “messy” like parenting:

“There are big differences, of course, between parenting and governing. Unlike children, we choose our leaders; the job of those leaders is not to nurture us emotionally; and the fantasy of a wise, all-powerful Daddy is what has gotten Russia and Germany in trouble over the years. But if Obama is going to struggle in his metaphorical role as parent to the country, it will be less because of the differences between parenting and leadership and more because of the similarities.”

I wonder if that mindset is what led Time Magazine’s Joe Klein to extend the analogy on MSNBC’s Morning Joe today. While discussing new CBS News polling numbers showing that a vast majority of Americans support President Obama and his proposals to jump-start our flailing economy, Klein quipped: “People are scared. They want to see government activism. They’re looking for Daddy.” (Link to video here.)

President Obama himself during his address to the joint session of Congress this week, also invoked his role as the First Dad when he was discussing how parents can help their children achieve their educational goals:

“In the end, there is no program or policy that can substitute for a mother or father who will attend those parent/teacher conferences, or help with homework after dinner, or turn off the TV, put away the video games, and read to their child. I speak to you not just as a president, but as a father when I say that responsibility for our children’s education must begin at home.”

I’m planning on quoting Obama the next time my kids balk at my request to turn off their TV shows/video games, per order of the Daddy-in-Chief.

Item #3: The Dirt on Working from Home

The same woman who wrote the Times article comparing governing to parenting — Belkin — recently posted an interesting blog item on her Motherlode blog entitled, “The Messy Side of Working from Home.”

“One side effect of the [economic] downturn may well be more parents working from home. For some it will be involuntary cobbling together a home business after losing an office job. For some it will be a way to save on the expenses of going elsewhere for work — no more office space to lease, no more commuting costs. And for many it will be a way to save on childcare. Work during nap time, or play dates or on wi-fi while watching karate practice. It can be done. Right? RIGHT?

Working from home solves many problems, but as one who has done it for nearly 15 years, I should warn you that it creates others you might not expect.”

Belkin described having to literally leave the house and then re-enter, once a babysitter was there, in order to stop her son from screaming and shrieking while she worked.

As a work-from-home writer for the last decade, I have to say that her observations are on the money. Sure, working from home gets slightly easier once the kids are older and in school, but the time I have alone in the house to spend on my writing once the kids leave from school doesn’t constitute a full work day. Therefore I have to get creative. Some of the keys of doing it without going crazy are: Being flexible, being willing to work at night (after the kids are in bed) and working on a weekend, when a spouse could watch the kids while you work.

Image credit: Jae C. Hong/Associated Press via the New York Times.

Item #1: New find — The Pajama Diaries

Amidst the glut of post-election analyses, number crunching and U.S. maps colored red and blue, this week I discovered a new comic strip in the Boston Globe. (If it was there before, I hadn’t noticed it until now. My bad.)

The Pajama Diaries, by Terri Libenson, features a character named Jill who is a freelance graphic designer who works out of her house, is married, and has two young girls. (That could be me, only with three kids, only one of whom is a girl.) Jill lives across the street from a family whose home she snarkily dubbed “Perfectville” and uses the DVD player as a babysitter so she can quickly get some work done without interruption from the little people.

After reading through some of her previous comic strips, they hit home, both about the challenges of working from home and about the struggle against the perfect, and they made me laugh. It’s gonna be a new staple in the Picket Fence Post home.

Item #2: Boston Globe Features ‘Mommy Dating’

Ever bring your kids to a local playground and hoped that a mom would talk to you or that a group of moms would welcome you into their fold? That’s called “mommy dating,” according to the Boston Globe  which likens playgrounds to meat markets:

“To the casual observer, the playground may appear a pleasant tableau of mothers and babysitters and, oh, children. But to the initiated, it can be as socially charged as a singles’ bar. The blonde mom over here, the organics-only mom over there, the insecure moms hovering near the swings, pretending to be occupied by the kids. Meanwhile, style is assessed, labels identified, judgments made.”

Now that my kids have gotten older and we don’t hang out at playgrounds like we used to, I’ve become the mom standing on the sidelines at one of my kids’ bazillion games, chugging a caffeinated beverage, and hoping someone won’t point a finger at me and say, “There’s the mom who hates on kids’ sports and the PTO online and in columns. Don’t talk to her.”

Item #3: First Family Gets Ready

On page one of today’s New York Times there’s a feature story entitled, ”A Family Expected to Balance State Dinners with Sleepovers.” The reporter spoke with Michelle Obama’s Chicago friends and how the First Family plans to create its own support system for the girls on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Interesting read.

Image credit: The Pajama Diaries.

“There will be young children in the White House for the first time since the Kennedy generation,” so said NBC’s Brian Williams at 11 p.m. on election night after projecting the state of California for Senator Barack Obama, thereby earning him enough electoral votes to capture the presidency.

My children are the same ages as Malia and Sasha Obama, 10 and 7. Michelle Obama has struggled with the same working mom issues as I have (although I don’t have a mega-watt, power job like hers). Michelle and Barack Obama were married two weeks before The Spouse and I were wed. With all those similarities, it will be fascinating for me to watch the Obamas navigate parenthood and their work while the whole world is watching.

For my kids, it’s also going to be interesting to see their experiences mirrored by children in the White House, especially for The Girl, who feels a kinship with Malia because they’re both Hannah Montana and Jonas Brothers fans.

Image credits: The Huffington Post.

UPDATE: I just had a column about First Kids in the White House published on the Mommy Track’d web site.

* Cross-posted from Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum. *

Phew! Anyone else feel as though you’ve been through a marathon? Two years of watching every debate in both parties, of reading online and in newspapers and magazines about the campaign, of watching YouTube videos, of following every detail of the race can take a lot out of a person. And I wasn’t even a candidate, the spouse of a candidate, working for the campaign or covering it as an embedded reporter. Those folks must feel as though they’ve been run over by a truck right about now.

At 11 p.m. last night, after the networks officially called the entire presidential election for Illinois Senator Barack Obama, I ran upstairs and woke up my kids to tell them the news. They weren’t completely awake, though, and didn’t remember that I’d woken them up when I spoke with them this morning. However, after learning of the results, along with the fact that 10-year-old Malia Obama and 7-year-old Sasha Obama were promised a puppy by their dad, I saw that puppy-gleam in their eyes too. (Sorry kids, you’re not getting a puppy. Your parents didn’t just complete a presidential campaign.)

Kudos are due to Arizona Senator John McCain, who was eloquent and gracious in making his concession speech. I felt badly for him while watching him, a former POW, tearing up as he acknowledged the historic nature of Obama’s win. He’s an honorable man who was saddled with a bad campaign that made bad choices. Had he won and a woman ascended to the vice presidency for the first time in our nation’s history, I would like to think that people would’ve been moved to see a woman succeed.

And Obama’s acceptance speech, in my humble opinion, will be one children will later read about in history books:

* Cross-posted at Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum. *

Voting: I took the kids with me to vote in our small town in the western suburbs of Boston this morning at around 10. (There’s no school today.)

We saw no lines as we entered the school gym and were greeted by a sweet Girl Scout. We waited patiently as she explained in a whisper-soft voice, where we needed to go first — to check in by our street address. With my ballot in hand, the kids jockeyed for a good position in which to get a look at it as we crammed ourselves into the polling booth. They couldn’t believe how many people were running for president. They thought it was just John McCain and Barack Obama.

“The Green-Rainbow Party?” my daughter asked incredulously.

“Yep,” I said, as I read aloud all the different presidential/vice presidential candidates and their corresponding parties and the children shook their heads.

They were a bit dismayed when I wouldn’t let them fill in the bubbles with the black pen provided — there was no chance I was going to risk them filling in the wrong circle and ruin my opportunity to vote in this election — but I did let them help me feed the paper ballot into the machine when we were done. The dullness of putting a ballot into a machine made me miss the time when I voted in my first election in my hometown where they have actual levers to pull and a curtain that would dramatically open and record my choices when I was done. It’s anti-climatic to fill in a bubble with a pen.

MSNBC All Day: I’ve had MSNBC on TV all day. I’m a sucker for their “Election Center” in Rockefeller Center and am a big crazy fan of the crew from Morning Joe.

Random Observations:

I thought Barack and Michelle Obama took a really long time filling out their ballots in Chicago. They must have had a huge number of Illinois ballot questions or many contested races. (Massachusetts had three ballot questions.) Their 10-year-old daughter Malia, in her hoodie, looked thoroughly bored and yawned several times.

The first thing that came to my mind when I saw Sarah and Todd Palin leave the polls in Wasilla? Shamefully, it was that, as I looked at the vice presidential candidate, I wondered if she’d already given all the expensive campaign-funded duds away to charity.

Calling the Winner Early: I was disturbed by a piece I saw in today’s New York Times about when the broadcast and cable news networks will project a winner tonight. I’m a big believer — even in the age of the Internet, Twitter and Facebook — of officially holding back on projecting a winner in the presidential race when people are still in the process of voting.

If a candidate concedes, then that person is affecting the voter turnout in places where the votes haven’t yet been cast and it’s not the media’s doing.

But if a candidate hasn’t yet conceded, the decent, patriotic thing to do is to wait until polls have closed before calling a state’s results. If the networks call the entire election before the folks on the west coast have finished voting, that move would essentially tell people who haven’t yet voted that their votes are irrelevant.

The viewers can wait. A little while anyway.

Item #1: Kids Pick the President

We adults cast our votes for the next commander in chief on Tuesday, that is if you haven’t already voted in those states that allow early voting.

But last week, 2.2 million Nickelodeon viewers made their choice: Senator Barack Obama, who won with 51 percent of the vote to Senator John McCain’s 49 percent.

According to United Press International: “Nickelodeon said it has held a kids’ vote every presidential election year since 1988, and children have correctly predicted the winner of four out of the last five U.S. presidential campaigns.”

The last time the kids picked incorrectly? Four years ago, when they selected Senator John Kerry.

Item #2: Bad Sports Mom

My November Parents & Kids column isn’t going to win me any popularity contests with folks on the sidelines of my kids’ sports and after-school activities. Why? Because it’s about what a bad sports mom I am because I don’t like how much of my family’s time the children’s activities consume. And I’m a tad bitter about it.

Item #3: Christmas Lists. In October.

My mother (*waving “Hi” to her as she reads this blog*) called me last night to request a list of Christmas gift recommendations for the Picket Fence Post-lings. As an organized person is wont to do, she would like to get her Christmas shopping done early so she can thoroughly enjoy the Yuletide season without the stress of racing around to stores.

However I wasn’t feeling particularly organized at the moment of her call, as I was still wrangling with The Eldest Boy over his Halloween costume. In fact, the subject of children and gift giving/receiving is a sore one in my household right now as The Spouse and I continue to debate The Eldest Boy’s birthday present. My 10-year-old Alex P. Keaton seems to think he can just return the gift he’d previously said he wanted and take the cash instead. This issue will be the focus of my December Parents & Kids column. (FYI — If you have any good Christmas list/gift anecdotes or suggestions, please post them in the comments section below.)

Therefore, when my unsuspecting mother brought up the topic of Christmas lists last night, my head exploded. Luckily she was on the phone and not at my house. Was a tad messy.

Sorry Mom. The list is going to take a while, unless, of course, you just want to get them clothes, which they really need. Pajamas would be good.

Image credit: Obama/Biden campaign.