Picket Fence Post

A U.S. intelligence officer and terrorism expert with decades of experience, Gina M. Bennett, a mom of five, wants us to think of national security, terrorism and foreign policy issues in an entirely different way, from the perspective of a mother who’s raising her children.

Teach your children that, at the end of the day, telling the truth is always better than lying. Stand up to bullies and don’t allow them to define who you are. Pick up your own messes. Choose your friends wisely. Always try to understand why your child’s doing something obnoxious/irresponsible/insane/irrational so that you can try to figure out a way to try to stop or dissuade her from doing that in the future.

Bennett’s book, National Security Mom: Why ‘Going Soft’ Will Make America Strong, reminded me of that old Robert Fulghum book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Only its focus is on parenting and national security. Everything Bennett says she needed to know about that subject, she learned from her family.

Bennett recently fielded six questions from me about her book (published by the woman who published my book, FYI) and about national security and parents, as we prepare to go the polls and pick a new president in less than a month.

Meredith O’Brien, Picket Fence Post: Why did you write this book and for whom did you write it?

Gina Bennett, author of National Security Mom: After 20 years of countering terrorism from inside the covert world of the Intelligence Community, I came to realize that the most powerful weapon America can wield in this fight is the courage of the American people. For years, my colleagues and I have worked daily to collect intelligence, uncover plots, identify key leaders and figure out how to stop terrorists from carrying out their attacks. But no matter how hard we work, there will be times when terrorists will succeed in getting past our security efforts. But when that happens, it does not have to mean that America was defeated. As long as Americans stand united in the aftermath of such a tragedy and refuse to change because of it, the terrorists are the ones who will be defeated.

Terrorists don’t seek death and destruction alone. They want to use the horror of their attacks to shake our faith in our form of government. If we remain committed to our democratic principles and ideals, we rob them of their attempted victory over us and undermine their future influence. The men and women in government can’t do this alone. Every American is our partner, and I wrote this book to convey that message. I also wrote with parents, and especially mothers, in mind because I felt the national security debate was overwhelmingly dominated by “insider” jargon that left many parents feeling like outsiders. But you don’t have to understand all the intricacies of the intelligence, law enforcement and military efforts in countering terrorism to be an informed participant in the national security debate.

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If you are the parent of a toddler — or know someone who is — Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is like a fun house mirror, reflecting back the insanity that is raising a toddler today. In her tongue-in-cheek book, Naptime is the New Happy Hour and Other Ways Toddlers Turn Your Life Upside Down, she chronicles through a series of essays, struggles such as setting up playdates, pre-school application mania and transitioning to a big kid bed. Wilder-Taylor recently fielded five of my questions about her new book:

Meredith O’Brien, Picket Fence Post: This book focuses exclusively on how to handle your child’s toddlerhood without losing your marbles. Do you think parenting a toddler is more difficult than parenting a baby, or just different?

Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Naptime is the New Happy Hour: That’s a good question. I thinking parenting your first baby is harder than handling a toddler. When you have your first child, you are a complete mess of hormones and confusion. When that child is a toddler, you know them better — their moods, idiosyncrasies, etc. so it’s easier to make them happy. On the other hand, when you have a new baby in the house, it’s tougher to deal with your toddler than the new baby because your toddler needs to be entertained while your baby just needs to eat and sleep. It sort of makes you look back and think, “Wow, I had it so good when I just had one baby and I didn’t even appreciate it!”

O’Brien: I got a huge laugh out of the chapter on scheduling playdates for your toddler and dealing with other mothers who aren’t necessarily compatible with you.

You wrote: “Having someone you genuinely get along with and can just ‘hang out’ with, comparing notes on post-baby sexual activity and bikini waxing while the kids play oh-so-happily, only happens in the best circumstances or when Supernanny’s Jo Frost is supervising. But still, to me, it’s more important to take pleasure in other parents’ company and share some similar parenting attitudes, because an afternoon with the wrong mom can feel like spending two hours on the StairMaster with the TV stuck on a George Lopez Show marathon.”

Have any of the moms with whom your daughter has had playdates taken umbrage at your characterization of playdates gone bad or at your parenting style? Do you think that it’s a good idea, before a playdate with a new kid, that you should test the mom’s reactions to certain things, like assessing her response to showing up with a bottle of Pinot Grigio, as you did?

Wilder-Taylor: After reading my book, one mom at my daughter’s pre-school worried that she was the type of mom I wrote about. In fact, she wasn’t at all. She was pretty cool and easy-going. The ones I’m talking about would never know it’s them. It’s sort of like how if you’re insane, you’re the last to know. It’s the sane people that worry they might be insane.

To answer the second part of this question, I do try to suss out the personality of a new mom playdate situation. Life is too short to spend even an afternoon with a boring or insanely uptight mom. I might try dropping the f-bomb when we’re alone and seeing if she makes a gas face or makes like a sailor herself. Unfortunately, now that I’m back on a book deadline, my drinking in the afternoon days are over. The way I can tell a cool mom now is if she lets me drop my kid off at her house for a few hours to give me some time off.

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