Picket Fence Post

 Item #1:  Call it ‘Harassment’ Not ‘Bullying’

What if, just for kicks, we stopped referring to the on-going harassment and humiliation of children — which interferes with their ability to function in school — as “bullying,” and, instead, started calling it what it really is, which is “harassment?”

After I read several pieces in today’s Boston Herald about children being subjected to physical and emotional harassment in school which left them feeling unsafe and unable to concentrate – along with school officials, by and large, not doing much to stop the behavior – I kept  wondering why it’s not simply called “harassment.” The word “bullying” seems insufficient. As does the word “teasing,” which I’ve also heard invoked to refer to this subject.

One Herald article, entitled “Bullied kids ‘helpless’ against attacks” started thusly:

“Hundreds of angry parents, worried teachers and even terrorized kids are reporting ugly episodes of brutal bullying at schools across Massachusetts as the heartwrenching case of Phoebe Prince continues to expose a painful nerve.

The abuse — detailed in e-mails and phone calls to the Herald – is emotionally jarring, often physical and spreading like a merciless virus in cyberspace.

Kids tell of being forced to drink toilet water, getting pummeled on the bus and seeing themselves ridiculed for all to see on Facebook.

. . . A Boston Latin High School parent said the bullying was so bad her son had to leave the elite school. A teacher on the South Shore said she’s sick over special-needs girls being photographed in the bathroom — only to learn it was all posted on Facebook.”

An accompanying Herald column, “Parents’ pleas fall on deaf ears,” painted a picture of parents feeling likewise helpless when it comes to putting an end to the harassment of their kids at the hands of their classmates:

“‘We told the school and the school did nothing.’

That’s the common refrain I’ve heard over and over since news broke of the apparent suicide of 15-year-old Phoebe Prince of South Hadley, who was relentlessly hounded by high school bullies.

Incredibly, her tormentors remain in class, protected by the school. Yet in conversations with parents and in more than 100 voice mails and e-mails, I learned that protecting bullies, not the bullied, is hardly unique to South Hadley. It’s now the rule in our schools.”

If the student victims were instead adult employees at a company being harassed by a peer, their supervisor would have to step in and stop the harasser from creating a hostile work environment or face a possible lawsuit. If one adult wouldn’t leave another one alone, a criminal restraining order could filed against the harasser. So why can’t the schools do more, like workplaces have done?

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Item #1: Stranger Slaps Crying Child

Say you’re in a big box store. There’s a 2-year-old girl who’s with her mother, and the kid is crying in another aisle. The screeching sound is making you nuts. The mother is unable (or unwilling, you don’t know which) to stop the child from crying. And crying. You’re thoroughly and completely annoyed. What do you do?

Do you threaten the mother to make the child stop? And then, if the kid doesn’t stop, do you march up to the child and slap her across the face? Of course not. Unless you’re a ticked off 61-year-old Georgia man who allegedly did just that in a Wal-Mart, according to CNN. Here’s what CNN reported:

“The mother said a stranger . . . approached them and said, ‘If you don’t shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you.’

A few moments later, while the mother and the crying child were in another aisle, [the man] allegedly grabbed the girl and slapped her across the face.

Police said he hit her four or five times. ‘See, I told you I would shut her up,’ the suspect allegedly told the mother.’”

What’s that old adage about a village raising a child? That saying sometimes — oftentimes, actually — seems like such a fairy tale, a fantasy. The village doesn’t really help you, not these days anyway. Only your friends and family do. Everyone else could care less. When I hear about insane stories such as this, and think about the sanctimonious comments judgmental people routinely hurl toward other parents, I sometimes feel like we’re all marooned on our own little islands. At least in this case, the slapping stranger was charged with first-degree “cruelty to children,” CNN said. That’s something.

Item #2: Mom Cited for Swearing at Kid, Causing Scene

On the flip side of things, we have this story from Pennsylvania, where a mom of a 10-year-old was cited by police for allegedly “yelling profanities” at the child in a video store “yelling at a level that the people around her became very concerned, very annoyed, and the officer did approach her and she was subsequently cited for disorderly conduct,” according to the Pittsburgh ABC affiliate.

The mom said the whole thing was a misunderstanding and that she wasn’t swearing at her daughter, but was actually ”angry at an adult friend.” The Pittsburgh Channel reported that the mother “told them she did nothing wrong.”

If we’re going to start busting moms for swearing in front of their kids, I’m afraid that one of my next Picket Fence Post entries may have to be written from behind bars, however I’m not apt to use blue language in public. Or cause a scene.

Item #3: High-Pressured Kindergarten Classrooms

Kindergarten’s no longer just for naptime, circle time and Show & Tell. The Boston Globe ran a story this past Sunday about how some kindergarten classrooms are becoming so pressure-filled that children are breaking down because of the stress:

“. . . [I]ncreasingly in schools across Massachusetts and the United States, little children are being asked to perform academic tasks, including test taking, that early childhood researchers agree are developmentally inappropriate, even potentially damaging. If children don’t meet certain requirements, they are deemed ‘not proficient.’ Frequently, children are screened for ‘kindergarten readiness’ even before school begins, and some are labeled inadequate before they walk through the door.”

The article details a dizzying number of times very young children are assessed and “drilled in literacy and math” throughout the school year, at the expense of playing, specifically dramatic play, which isn’t measured in assessments. Do we really need to stress kids out in kindergarten? With 5 and 6 year old children? Do we parents really need to know if they’re ready to read when they’re only in kindergarten?