Picket Fence Post

Item #1: Forgetful Mamas

It’s not even the insanely busy spring yet — the time when we’re overloaded with school projects, school events, national holidays, Little League & spring soccer games/practices — and I’ve still been forgetting stuff like sending my kid to school with lunch money, birthday parties, etc. So, when I was trying to get the Picket Fence Post family’s schedule into some semblance of order last week, I felt a bit better about my slacker-ness when I witnessed moms on TV shows being overwhelmed and forgetful too.

I dedicated my Mommy Tracked column this week to this topic, saying that:, “. . . [T]he depiction of two fictional moms on TV this past week screwing up in big ways when it came to their family’s schedules made me realize that, if moms feeling overwhelmed by the weird administrative complexity of contemporary child-rearing is now a punch line on TV shows, I can’t be the only one who’s feeling burned out.”

At least I haven’t forgotten my kids’ birthdays. Yet.

Do you find yourself forgetting stuff, repeatedly, despite your best efforts to get organized?

Item #2: Dysfunctional TV Families

I’ve been going on and on about how much I adore the ABC comedy Modern Family and how much hope I have for NBC’s brand, spankin’ new dramedy Parenthood. Well, the Boston Globe’s Don Aucoin mentioned those two shows when he wrote about a trend in family-centric TV shows as of late: A lack of parental authority.

In his piece, “Dysfunction Junction: Who’s the boss? TV parents these days are often as adolescent as their children,” he asserted that today’s TV parents aren’t as stable and authoritative as TV parents of years past, like on The Cosby Show. He quoted a woman who writes about media and parenting issues as saying: “Bill Cosby was hysterically funny, and yet when push came to shove on The Cosby Show, there was no question that he and his wife were the authority figures, no question that ‘We’re the parents here, we’re here to take care of you, we’re not your friends.’ We lost something there and it’s time to get it back. A better sense of parents not so much as dominant authorities but as parents.”

While I agree that we’ve lost an overall sense of authority over today’s kids, I think the TV shows are simply reflecting today’s reality.  (Ever try to lightly reprimand/correct the behavior of  a kid who’s not yours? Be prepared for pediatric snark and smirks.) If you’re going to complain that TV parents are acting too much like kids, we need to start with the actual parents they’re depicting.

Item #3: Boston Baby & Family Expo

Mark your calendars New Englanders: Next Saturday — that’s March 20 — I’ll be appearing at the Baby & Family Expo at the Bayside Expo Center to tell parents that, while they’ll see lots of products and get lots of parenting advice at the Expo, the most important thing they need to keep in mind is this: If you don’t keep your sense of humor about this child-rearing adventure, you’ll go nuts.

At 10:30 a.m., I’m slated to give a talk/book reading called, “How to Keep Your Sense of Humor (Believe us, you’ll need it!)” where I’ll give expectant and current parents a humorous pep talk and read some of the more embarrassing columns from my parenting/humor book Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum. People who attend the talk will not only get a signed copy of the book, but they’ll get the added bonus of meeting “The Girl,” (otherwise known as my daughter) who’ll be helping me out at the Expo.

In addition, my Parents & Kids Magazine editor Heather Kempskie and her twin sister Lisa Hanson, authors of The Siblings Busy Book, will be giving pointers at 1:30 p.m. about activities you can do when you have children of different ages.

If you’re heading to the Expo on Sunday, March 21, you’ll get a chance to meet my buddies, the podcasting divas that are the Manic Mommies,  Erin and Kristin who’ll be taping their show at 1 p.m.

Here’s the link for more info. Hope to see you there.

Image credit: Baby & Family Expo.

Things have been a bit chaotic over the past few days, what with some family drama (don’t ask), the never-ending slog of kids’ activities slowly sucking the life out of me, and trying to shoehorn actual work into the mix, never mind attending to volunteer efforts both The Spouse and I for some reason foolishly offered to do. Plus there was this fifth grade bread baking project we were supposed to complete over the weekend. The Girl actually completed the project on her own — with no help from her parents – but The Eldest Boy did not because, honestly, there was too much crap going on.

In the meantime, to make up for the lack of bloggy stuff, here are a few newsy items I’ve missed in the past few days:

– I had the pleasure of co-hosting the Manic Mommies podcast with Erin Kane last week. We talked about mid-season TV (Big Love, Lost, a bit of ranting about the current state of Grey’s Anatomy) and about our crazy kids’ activities (this was before family drama hit the Picket Fence Post household). You can download the podcast for free on iTunes, including where I called Erin by her co-host’s name, Kristin. Smooth move.

– It was with a heavy heart that I read the recent news stories about a teenage girl living in Massachusetts who committed suicide reportedly in the wake of cyberbullying. Adding to that was the fact that a local school district had an anti-bullying forum led by a Vermont father whose own 13-year-old son (two years younger than my twins) killed himself several years ago after he’d been bullied, and I’ve been wondering when the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is going to legally define bullying behavior with an anti-bullying law and when schools are going to start taking harassment seriously and not as a form of “conflict.” If sexual harassment in the workplace and acts which create a hostile workplace can be outlawed, certainly bullying/intimidating/humiliating harassment and acts which create a hostile learning environment should be as well.

– In a similar vein, the web site Parent Dish had a provocative post about parents who bully and name-call other parents online. Blogger Amy Hatch asked, “How can we teach our children be kind to one another when we can’t model that behavior in our own lives?”

– Completely changing subjects here . . . If you were among those who were once fond of watching Hope and Michael Steadman, Nancy and Elliot Weston, Ellyn Warren, Gary, Melissa and the crew from thirtysomething, you’ll be pleased to learn that season two of the 1980s/90s drama is now out on DVD. My Pop Culture column this week is about why, even though decades have passed since these episodes first aired, “. . . I can find no current TV dramas which capture the gloriously messy and stressful, day-to-day slog of child-rearing, work and marriage as deftly and incisively as this 21-year-old series did.” (As you can tell, “slog” was my preferred word of the week. . .)

Image credit: Dyna Moe/Nobody’s Sweetheart.

It’s always fun to get together with the Manic Mommies, Kristin Brandt and Erin Martin Kane, and their fans. Last week they held a Manic Mommies event at the new Champion store in Wrentham, MA — where I got the Picket Fence Post family some sportswear for soccer, basketball, etc. – and afterwards spent some quality time chatting with fellow moms.

It really lifts one’s spirits to bond over common parenting flaws and crazy stories. I just don’t do that enough. I’m particularly fond of the fantastically weird tales part. One woman told me about a verbal exchange she had with her son’s first grade teacher (after the teacher showed the class a questionable video) in which the teacher made the mom (also a teacher) feel like she was a know-nothing dunderhead, same way I felt on The Youngest Boy’s first day of school and we’d already forgotten to do an assignment. Another regaled me a tale about horrifically inappropriate behavior on the part of a mom associated with a scout troop.

And, I especially appreciated hearing from another mom who has problems with her kids not regularly eating the meals she prepares for them and agreed that having kids has sucked the joy out of cooking. When all you see are articles and books telling you how you can successfully “make” your kids eat whatever exotic food you make as long as you pitch it or spin it correctly to the kids, it gets downright depressing when that doesn’t work in your kitchen. Over the past week, my failure rate in getting the kids to eat well rounded meals has been abysmal. Oh well, at least I know I’m not alone.

Image credit: Meredith with Erin Martin Kane of the Manic Mommies.

Item #1: Slutty Halloween Costumes

From the moment the first catalogue for Halloween costumes arrived in my mailbox, I noticed that something seemed off, more so than in previous years. As The Youngest Boy leafed through it and circled a half-dozen costumes he was considering for Halloween, I couldn’t help but notice that a large proportion of the costumes for the girls beyond their toddler years, were sexed up, with the girls wearing obvious make-up and striking mature poses to make them look older, much more so than the boyish looking boys. I opined about this phenomenon in my October GateHouse News Service column.

Item #2: Fall TV Premieres

In the midst of the TV networks unveiling their slate of season premieres, I visited with the Manic Mommies and did a podcast with them where we dished about fall TV.  Shows we discussed included: Mad Men, Grey’s Anatomy, The Good Wife, Cougar Town, Glee and Parks & Recreation. You can download their podcast for free at iTunes or through other means. Go here for info on how to listen to the Manic Mommies online.

Item #3: Law-Breaker Moms

Three instances of states/municipalities trying to enforce over-the-top rules and regulations when it comes to the care of children:

How many of us have relied upon our fellow parents to help us watch our kids from time to time? How many have watched other people’s kids as a favor? Well if you lived in Michigan and you didn’t have a daycare license, you’d be a lawbreaker, according to media reports. Here’s the scoop from the local TV station, WZZM:

“Lisa Snyder, of Middleville says her neighborhood school bus stop is right in front of her home. It arrives after her neighbors need to be at work, so she watches three of their children for 15-40 minutes until the bus comes.

The Department of Human Services received a complaint that Snyder was operating an illegal child care home. DHS contacted Snyder and told her to get licensed, stop watching her neighbors’ kids or face consequences.”

In addition to Michigan criminalizing unlicensed ”it takes a village to raise a child” parents helping parents, folks who actually do run licensed daycare centers out of their Massachusetts homes were met with a host of new regulations by the state’s Board of Early Education and Care which will now consider daycare providers ”educators.” According to the Boston Herald, new regulations will mandate that daycare providers to do regular progress reports on children in their care which track “the cognitive, social, emotional, language, motor and life skills developments of infants and preschoolers,” brush the teeth of any kids there longer than fours hours and creative a an educational curriculum which demonstrates that daycare providers are offering “planned learning experiences.”

Meanwhile, a New York mother is being threatened by officials in Saratoga Springs because she and her 12-year-old son have been riding their bikes to his middle school. Riding or walking to school, according to the Times-Union, is banned — yes BANNED — by the school, at the same time we’re reading non-stop about the epidemic of fat kids who get little to no exercise:  “The Jackson street residents pedal more than four miles together each way to the middle school on nice days, despite being told not to by school officials and police.”

So, let me get this straight: You can’t watch your neighbor’s kids without getting a daycare license. If you get a daycare license, you have to become an “educator” and create curricula and conduct progress reports on babies. And if you’re trying to teach your kid about the joys of riding a bike to school, you’re told by the school and an awaiting state trooper that you’re breaking the school’s regulations and that you’ve got to plop your behind into a parent’s car or a bus seat.

Is it any wonder that parents feel under siege from governmental buddinskis?

Item #1: Acupressure

I took  The Girl to visit a medical acupuncturist today. Instead of using the acupuncture needles, he used acupressure — pressure applied to the acupuncture points sans a needle – and other techniques, like cupping . . . which was a good thing, given how apprehensive the 10-year-old was. I did the best that I could to calm her and soothe her worries. The staff put in a great effort to try to alleviate her fears by talking to her and affording her the chance to feel the hair-thin, flexible needle so she’d see that they weren’t some metal behemoths waiting to be jammed into her arms and legs. But every time a staff member left the room, The Girl’s eyes filled with tears and she told me she wanted to leave. NOW!

For those who’ve been following this saga, The Girl has had persistent ankle problems since January 2008 when she first twisted it during a basketball practice. Since then, she’s missed half of several seasons of soccer and hoop because of flare-ups. This spring we finally saw a youth sports specialist in Boston who recommended water therapy (which she’s been doing for a few weeks), TENS therapy (we just got the unit this week) and acupuncture.

The Girl had been dreading this acupuncture appointment ever since the orthopaedist first mentioned it. For weeks she’s told me there was no way that she was going to let anyone put the acupuncture needles into her, no matter how thin they were.

So, did the alternative techniques the doctor used today work? We’ll have to wait and see. (*fingers crossed*)

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There’s nothing like sitting in a room full of people – most of whom are roughly in the same place you are in your life – and sharing laughter over the insanity of your common lot.

Like laughing at the fact that you’ve all lost your personal privacy. (Such as being in the bathroom and, while you’re USING the facilities, someone is on the other side of the door, screaming at you and demanding to know the whereabouts of ”the Star Wars guy.” The one with the gray helmet. And the black gun. Because you’re supposed to know. Because apparently you must have a GPS locator on that sucker and everything else in the house.)

Over how you used to feel hot and sexy, but now you drive a mini-van filled with kid crap, empty coffee cups and car seats.

Over the utter ridiculousness of some of the conversations you wind up having these days. (When you’re asked to field questions such as, “Which would you rather do, swim through a lake completely filled with dead poisonous snakes, or swim through a lake with one poisonous snake that’s still alive?” “Which would you rather do, eat snot or vomit?”)

Over your lack of sanity and your dearth of patience.

More than 200 women got to laugh for a solid hour last week in Natick, MA as comedian Dena Blizzard told jokes and bizarre-but-true stories about modern moms’ lives. Organized by the podcasting goddesses, the Manic Mommies (Erin and Kristin), Dena’s “One Funny Mother” show reminded me that the best antidote to feeling as though you suck as a parent (and I had fresh evidence last week which indicated a high level of parental suckitude on my behalf) is bawdy humor.

Before the show, I actually got to socialize (imagine, socializing someplace OTHER than on the sidelines of the youth soccer fields or baseball diamonds) with some cool moms, like the ones in the photo above. The photo has my friend Sharon, Manic Mommy Kristin, P&K  Mag editor Heather, and me, standing awkwardly, half leaning backwards for some unknown reason and trying not to spill my drink.

Afterwards, I decided that moms smack dab in the middle of raising kids are in dire need of enjoying more laughs like the ones Dena gave us that night. Maybe she could do a weekly comedic podcast or perhaps a videocast to which we could look forward.

 Or maybe I — and the community of parents who read this blog (and I know many of you by name) — should start something here on this web site, like a joke of the week, a weird story of the week.  Something. Don’t we need something? Anyone have any ideas on how we can keep the comedy vibe goin’?

In the meantime, be sure to check out the video samples of Dena’s comedy below. Warning: These clips are NOT appropriate for kids or for the workplace. They contain “adult” language. (Link to the first video here. Link to the second video here.)

Consider this, “Three for Thursday: The Comedy Edition”

Item #1: ‘One Funny Mother’ in Natick (Mass.)

The Manic Mommies think we moms need a laugh. So they’ve invited comedian Dena Blizzard to Natick, Mass. to do a one-woman show called “One Funny Mother: I’m Not Crazy” next week. Blizzard – who I saw during the Manic Mommies’ first “Escape” weekend — lives up to her billing, plus her act includes parentally incorrect humor.

The show — which I’m planning on attending even though all three of my kids have games/practices/classes on that afternoon/evening — is on Thursday, May 7 at The Center for Arts in Natick (14 Summer Street) at 7:30. As far as I know, tickets are still available . . . but only for those who feel like laughing.

Item #2: A Scary ‘Little Boy Blue’ Rendition

Speaking of humor . . . if you’re angry with your tot for any reason, have him or her watch actor Michael Emerson — who plays the sinister Ben Linus on Lost — recite the most unsettling version of the nursery rhyme “Little Boy Blue” that I’ve ever seen. (Link to the video here.)

Item #3: New Mom Jen Garner on Letterman

One of the things I love about actress Jennifer Garner is that during all the media interviews I’ve seen her do over the years, she’s continued to come across as grounded and real. Since she’s become a mother — she has a 3-year-old and a 3-month-old — Garner has continued telling it like it is, including how she “fakes” being a mom who has it ”all together.”

Case-in-point, her appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman. I loved what she said about how even though she tries to tackle the multitude of things on her plate between work and her young daughters all while she’s in the throes of sleep deprivation, it eventually catches up with her. (Link to the video here.)

In the second part of the interview (link to the second part of the interview here), Garner talked about how much calmer and more laid back she is as a second-time mom, and how her older daughter is handling being a big sister. Letterman also asked Garner about the wounds she had on her leg (she said she simply fell down) and slathered them with an anti-bacterial gel like the doting dad that he is, particularly when he talks about parenting his own son Harry.

(Seen at BlogHER: Christine Koh, Meredith O’Brien and Erin Kane)

It’s kind of cool when you go beyond the virtual, online world and actually meet — face-to-face — with the folks whose blogs you’ve been reading. It’s a strange, “Hey, you actually exist in the real world” type of moment.

I spent all day Saturday listening to and dishing with a number of gal bloggers who attended BlogHER’s Boston event. (It was, technically, in Burlington, though.) I wouldn’t have made it through the day without a gallon of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee in hand (see photo above), and the several bottles of Diet Pepsi I drank, because I was utterly exhausted from watching Friday night’s epic Red Sox game. I was so dragging. Even slipped out of the last session because I was afraid I was going to fall asleep and insult the speaker.

I’m convinced that the Sox are trying to kill me, as well as all of Red Sox Nation with these games that end in the wee hours of the morning, a continued hazing of Sox fans as if trying to test the level of our dedication. Again. (Saturday night’s game was killer-late and although yesterday’s game started, mercifully, at 4 p.m., I’m still recovering from accumulated lack of shut-eye.)

Anyway, enough about the Sox. Back to BlogHER . . . where I met Boston Mama’s Christine Koh, a conference speaker. We’ve previously communicated only via e-mail about her blog, where she once promoted my book. She was very fashionably dressed. Put me to shame.

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Gal bloggers — including yours truly — will be heading up to Burlington, MA this Saturday for a day-long BlogHER event which will feature speakers such as Lisa Stone, founder of BlogHER, and Boston Mama’s Christine Koh.

The Manic Mommies podcasters, who are based in Massachusetts, along with Parents & Kids Magazine editor Heather Kempskie will be there, among other New Englanders.

Of course I’ll be toting a massive cup o’ Joe in order to make it through the first few sessions on how to bring you folks some exquisite bloggin’ goodness. But with Game 1 of the American League Championship Series featuring the Old Towne Team starting after 8:30 tonight, I’ll be in need of a gallon of java.

I donned my TV critic’s cap and dished with one of the two Manic Mommies about the new fall television season, the national political conventions, the Olympics, Mad Men, 90210, The Office and what I think about the title of the new CBS show, The Mentalist.

You can get directions on how to download/listen to the Manic Mommies podcast here. (It’s a radio show on the internet, for the uninitiated.) Or you can just go to iTunes and download it for free — gotta love the free! – to listen to our sparklingly witty conversation.

Image credit: Manic Mommies.