Picket Fence Post

I’ve written about California third grade teacher Phillip Done before, when he was doing press for his book 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny, which had funny albeit mildly horrifying (from a parental standpoint) anecdotes about his experiences with his students over the years. (Read my previous Q&A with him here.)

Given that my youngest is now in third grade and Done has a new third-grade-centric book out — Close Encounters of the Third Grade Kind: Thoughts on Teacherhood – I’m thinking that I’ve already found my son’s teacher’s Christmas gift.

While reading the chronological meditations about events that occurred during each month of a school year, I was reminded of Robert Fulgham’s books (All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten). Done’s book offers sage nuggets of down-to-earth wisdom about his teaching experiences, taking readers by the hand and showing them the chaos of your average elementary school Photo Day, the challenges of teaching kids how to write letters, coping with questions about the Tooth Fairy and mastering the art of cursive. Throughout the book, Done doles out sayings that go to the heart of what makes good elementary school teachers:

– “Teachers are like puppeteers. We keep the show in motion.”

– “Teachers are like conductors. We try to get everyone to play together nicely.”

– “Teachers are like farmers. We sow the seeds — not too close together or they’ll talk too much.”

– “Teachers are like actors. We work in front of an audience.”

– “Teachers are memory makers, too. We know that the stories, paintings, and plaster of Paris handprints that children make at school will someday become family treasures.”

My favorite part of the book — other than the emotional chapter where Done recalls one of his students’ struggles with and eventual death from leukemia, as well as Done eulogizing the boy – involved Done’s class’ ”Kindness Jar.” After being the recipient of a stranger’s kindness in a Starbucks, Done decided to hold a “Kindness Week” in his class, where the students were supposed to commit at least three random acts of kindness.  Once they did the kind act, they were supposed to write what that act was on a slip of paper and put it in the “Kindness Jar.”

The kids responded to this project enthusiastically. One boy said his kindness was listening to his mother when she told him to go brush his teeth and go to bed, which he did without talking back. (Apparently that was a tough thing for this kid, atypical, because his mother felt his forehead afterward to make sure he wasn’t ill.) Another boy mowed the lawn. A girl washed her father’s car and another even brought a mom breakfast in bed for no reason at all.

Come to think of it, maybe I should get this book for ALL of my kids’ teachers. Maybe it’d plant some good seeds.

Image credit: Phillip Done web site.

I spend a fair amount of time on this blog complaining about things my three kids’ schools ask parents to do. I whine, I detail, I verbally thrash about, but rarely do I hear from an actual molder of these young minds: An elementary school teacher. This particular blog entry retifies the situation.

After reading 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny: Life Lessons From Teaching by Phillip Done – a new, highly entertaining book by a California third grade teacher about one school year – I came away with insight and perspective on what dealing with a roomful of young kids is like on the educator’s end of things. Done was kind enough to field some questions from me about his book as well as on wacky parental behavior:

Meredith O’Brien, Picket Fence Post: In your book, you paint a portrait of life as a third grade teacher throughout the school year. One of the chapters that horrified me as a parent of three school-aged children — and also made me laugh out loud — was the one on “Sharing” where you wrote that your students provide you and their classmates with way too much information about their families. Kids related tidbits like a father being made to sleep on the sofa, a mother crying each time she watched Baywatch and a girl who said her mom “went off the pill, and now I am going to have a baby brother.” You warn, “Kids share everything.” How do you react to these ultra-personal stories the students tell and how much does what you hear affect your impression of the children’s families?

Phillip Done, author of 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny: I just listen and nod, just like I would if they’re sharing a trophy or a turtle. And when they’re done, I say, “Thank you for sharing.” It’s all part of the job. I do tell parents at Back to School Night, “Just believe half of what you hear about me, and I’ll believe half of what I hear about you.” They laugh. But I still don’t think they really realize how much I know about them.

O’Brien: In one chapter you published letters you wish you’d been able to send to students’ parents. One was addressed to “Mr. Permissive” and said: “You’re shocked at your son’s language at school? Your son watches MTV all day long. He has every rap song memorized. He has seen more R-rated movies than I have. Please turn off the television.”

In another fictitious letter to “Mr. Pusher,” you wrote, “Please don’t be upset about your son’s B+ in math. No, this will not hurt his chances of getting into Stanford. No, he does not need a private math tutor now. And by the way, does he really need to take tennis and piano and swimming and karate and violin and polo lessons?”

Are parents really that clueless about what’s going on in their children’s lives? Do they put on blinders that detach them from reality? Have parents always been this way or are they getting more clueless?

Done: First let me say that for the most part, parents are great. They help with homework, drive on field trips, and send in birthday treats. Most know what’s going on in their children’s lives and try their best to help their children succeed in school. I’ve never met a parent who doesn’t want the best for his or her child. Once in a while, you do get a “doozy” of a parent, though. This too goes with the territory. Recently I had a parent pull me out of class during the middle of a math lesson. I thought there was an emergency so I left the kids and went outside. She wanted to talk about her child’s missing jacket. I had twenty students waiting for me and she wanted to discuss her child’s missing jacket. So, I guess you could say that was pretty clueless. But again, this is rare. Most parents are wonderful. You can’t do this job without parental support.

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