Picket Fence Post

And I laughed. And laughed. And laughed. “My head would explode if I gave up shouting for 40 days,” I told them today as I was driving the Picket Fence Post kids to the grocery store with me.

“You couldn’t do it,” The Youngest Boy said as he too chortled at the notion.

“I think I’d melt by day 20,” I agreed.

Instead, we agreed that I’d try to refrain from using bad words during the duration of the Lenten season, the 40 days leading up to Easter. When I’m in front of the kids I try, really hard, not to swear. But I’m not perfect. The ”s” word slips out of my mouth from time to time when I drop stuff or make a mistake. When I substitute “damn” or “crap,” they raise their eyebrows as well because I’ve told them those are bad words not to be used by kids. (For the record, I apologize when I slip up.) 

I think I’ll do what I did last year to incentivize myself to curtail my invocation of naughty words by putting a quarter in a jar each time I mess up, even outside of my kids’ presence. However it doesn’t always work. On one particularly bad work day last spring when the kids were at school, I put a $5 in the jar.

I’ve asked the kids to think about what they’d give up or what positive things they’d do during Lent. They’ve got until dinner tonight to come up with some good ideas, but having Mom cease with the shouting, ain’t happenin’ my pretties. No. Way.

 Item #1: ‘Screaming is the New Spanking’

A feature story telling readers that parents yell at their kids is akin to a story that says there will be a sunrise tomorrow morning. Unless you know only mellow,uncaffeinated, really Zen-like folk, you, or someone you know, has yelled at a kid. It’s not like this is a new trend, this shouting at irrational small people who like to push their parents’ buttons and nag you until your ears bleed. However the New York Times’ Style section ran a feature story this week which asserted that “screaming is the new spanking.”

As author Hilary Stout outlined how spanking has fallen out of favor (or is only done in super-top-secret for fear of ostracizing), she suggested that today’s parents have simply replaced spanking with shouting. “. . . [W]ith regularity, this is a generation that yells.” [Emphasis was NOT added by me. It was in the paper that way.]

Stout quoted a parenting coach as saying:

“This is so the issue right now. As parents understand that it’s not socially acceptable to spank children, they are at a loss for what they can do. They resort to reminding, nagging, timeout, counting 1-2-3 and quickly realize that those strategies don’t work to change behavior. In the absence of tools that really work, they feel frustrated and angry and raise their voice. They feel guilty afterward, and the whole cycle begins again.”

Do you think that GenXers yell at their kids more than parents did in the past? (I vote, “No.”)

Item #2: Pop Warner Scuffle

Speaking of screaming . . .

Did you get a load of the story this week about a Massachusetts dad who got peeved that his son’s Pop Warner football coach told the man’s 12-year-old son to run laps because the father had brought him to practice 10 minutes late? The dad started allegedly shouting a few things to the coach about his weight from the sidelines, according to news reports, at which point the coach allegedly suggested they meet in a secluded spot, where, police say the coach beat the father up. The dad wound up with a busted eye socket and other injuries and the coach was busted for assault.

What crossed my mind when I read this story? Putting aside the alleged taking of verbal pot shots — which the dad should NOT have done — and the alleged actual assault which, obviously, shouldn’t have happened either, it seems to me that some people take youth sports too seriously. This is sports for kids. Children.

I’ve had a kid who was on a sports team where the coach said he wanted to teach parents a lesson by making their kids run laps if the parents brought the kids late to practices. The kids aren’t in control of getting themselves to practice at this age, therefore I don’t think they should be held responsible for something that’s beyond their control.

When my kid told me about this new behavior modification technique by the coach, I responded by telling my child that I have three kids who all play sports, my own work obligations and a ton of other responsibilities outside of my kids’ recreational activities which The Spouse and I fund. I do the best that I can to get everyone where he or she needs to go on time. If you’re 10 minutes late for practice because I accidentally ran late, so be it. Running’s good for you.

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