Picket Fence Post » toddlers

April 10, 2009

Author Q&A: Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: The Toddler Years

Filed under: Moms, Online Moms and Dads, Parenting lit — Tags: author Q&A, Jen Singer, Stop Second-Guessing Yourself, toddlers — Meredith O'Brien @ 9:15 am

Jen Singer first started making moms feel better about their parenting by entertaining them with stories on her web site, MommaSaid.net. She followed that up with her book, You’re a Good Mom (And Your Kids Aren’t So Bad Either). Now she’s back on the case, this time tackling the issue of raising toddlers with her new book, Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: The Toddler Years. Jen fielded a handful of questions from me this week about her book about raising little maniacs.

Meredith O’Brien, Picket Fence Post: There are a lot of books out there which provide advice to pregnant women and parents of babies, not as many for parents with toddlers. I found coping with the insanity of toddlers to be much more difficult than dealing with babies, particularly babies who weren’t yet mobile. Do you think people underestimate how much work toddlers are?

Jen Singer, author, Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: The Toddler Years: It’s as though people assume that once you figure out how to be a mother, the rules never change. But each stage of motherhood has its own challenges — and toddlers are particularly challenging. Now your baby isn’t a baby anymore. She’s mobile and full of her own ideas that don’t always jibe with yours. She can be more of a danger herself, and she can throw a tantrum if she disagrees with you.

I wrote the book to help moms through this crazy time, because toddlers aren’t babies, and their needs aren’t the same.

Meredith: Your book’s title suggests that parents need to “stop second-guessing” themselves. Do you think parents have lost their confidence these days, if so, why?

Jen: Parenting in the 21st century had become a spectator sport: Everybody has something to say about how you’re doing it. I’m not just talking about the old ladies at the supermarket who tell you to put a hat on your baby. I mean bloggers, commenters and Twitterers who have no qualms about letting you know when they think you”re doing something wrong when it comes to parenting. Add in the pressure for perfect parenting — getting the right nutrition, the best education, the bevy of activities — and you can understand why moms today second-guess themselves. But it’s time we simplify parenting and get back to trusting our guts.

Meredith: Throughout the book, you encourage parents to assert themselves. At one point, you even say, “Do be the boss.” Are today’s parents not feeling like the boss in their own homes?

Jen: We’ve become such a kid-focused society that it can feel like parents are no longer in charge. Why do you think shows like Supernanny are such a hit? Our generation is almost afraid to parent — to be the boss. But children actually want boundaries. And if you don’t give them to them, and start it early, your kids will run your house.

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July 9, 2008

Author Q&A: ‘Naptime is the New Happy Hour’

Filed under: Moms, Parenting lit, Pop Culture — Tags: books, Naptime is the New Happy Hour, parenting lit, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, toddlers — Meredith O'Brien @ 7:15 am

If you are the parent of a toddler — or know someone who is — Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is like a fun house mirror, reflecting back the insanity that is raising a toddler today. In her tongue-in-cheek book, Naptime is the New Happy Hour and Other Ways Toddlers Turn Your Life Upside Down, she chronicles through a series of essays, struggles such as setting up playdates, pre-school application mania and transitioning to a big kid bed. Wilder-Taylor recently fielded five of my questions about her new book:

Meredith O’Brien, Picket Fence Post: This book focuses exclusively on how to handle your child’s toddlerhood without losing your marbles. Do you think parenting a toddler is more difficult than parenting a baby, or just different?

Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Naptime is the New Happy Hour: That’s a good question. I thinking parenting your first baby is harder than handling a toddler. When you have your first child, you are a complete mess of hormones and confusion. When that child is a toddler, you know them better — their moods, idiosyncrasies, etc. so it’s easier to make them happy. On the other hand, when you have a new baby in the house, it’s tougher to deal with your toddler than the new baby because your toddler needs to be entertained while your baby just needs to eat and sleep. It sort of makes you look back and think, “Wow, I had it so good when I just had one baby and I didn’t even appreciate it!”

O’Brien: I got a huge laugh out of the chapter on scheduling playdates for your toddler and dealing with other mothers who aren’t necessarily compatible with you.

You wrote: “Having someone you genuinely get along with and can just ‘hang out’ with, comparing notes on post-baby sexual activity and bikini waxing while the kids play oh-so-happily, only happens in the best circumstances or when Supernanny’s Jo Frost is supervising. But still, to me, it’s more important to take pleasure in other parents’ company and share some similar parenting attitudes, because an afternoon with the wrong mom can feel like spending two hours on the StairMaster with the TV stuck on a George Lopez Show marathon.”

Have any of the moms with whom your daughter has had playdates taken umbrage at your characterization of playdates gone bad or at your parenting style? Do you think that it’s a good idea, before a playdate with a new kid, that you should test the mom’s reactions to certain things, like assessing her response to showing up with a bottle of Pinot Grigio, as you did?

Wilder-Taylor: After reading my book, one mom at my daughter’s pre-school worried that she was the type of mom I wrote about. In fact, she wasn’t at all. She was pretty cool and easy-going. The ones I’m talking about would never know it’s them. It’s sort of like how if you’re insane, you’re the last to know. It’s the sane people that worry they might be insane.

To answer the second part of this question, I do try to suss out the personality of a new mom playdate situation. Life is too short to spend even an afternoon with a boring or insanely uptight mom. I might try dropping the f-bomb when we’re alone and seeing if she makes a gas face or makes like a sailor herself. Unfortunately, now that I’m back on a book deadline, my drinking in the afternoon days are over. The way I can tell a cool mom now is if she lets me drop my kid off at her house for a few hours to give me some time off.

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