Picket Fence Post

November 9, 2009

When Kids are Sick, What’s a Working Parent to Do?

Filed under: Education, Family Melodrama, Work — Tags: , , , , — Meredith O'Brien @ 11:54 am

The idea for my Mommy Tracked column this week started blossoming in my brain the moment that my kids’ pediatrician diagnosed one of my children with the swine flu and would be out of school for a week. This followed closely on the heels of my three children having had a ton of sick days last month, on different days, more than I can ever remember them having in any previous year.

Entitled, “In the Time of Swine Flu, What’s a Parent to Do,” the column includes quotes from a teacher who thinks that in order to contain epidemics like swine flu, there should be paid parental sick days, and examines Congressional attempts (that have thus far failed) to allow parents to take paid time off to care for ill children so they don’t send their sick children to school to contaminate more children and school employees.

UPDATE: Today’s Pajama Diaries comic strip makes the perfect illustration for this blog entry.

What do you do in your family when your kids are sick?

October 16, 2009

A Bunch of Sickies

Filed under: Education, Family Melodrama, Work — Tags: , , — Meredith O'Brien @ 2:41 pm

Our house has been plagued — plagued I tell you — by colds.

My kids have missed so much school thus far this year that if I worked in an office or someplace far away from my home (instead of out of my home where I can work all hours of the night to make up for missing daytime hours due to caring for ill children) I’d probably be in big trouble. And I consider my kids healthy.

In September, The Girl missed nearly a week of school with a low-grade fever that wouldn’t go away for days. That was accompanied intermittently by a hacking cough, major congestion, lack of appetite and fatigue. The Eldest Boy had the same cold/sickness/bug for four days — missed the Rosh Hashana dinner we hosted at our house — plus two days of school. The Youngest Boy missed one day of school. When I consulted the pediatrician’s office, the nurse said it sounded like the kids had a cold and said that if their fevers got high and stayed high, to call back.

So far during the month of October, The Girl came home sick from school on Tuesday and was finally well enough to return to school today. (She didn’t have a fever, just fatigue, head ache and hacking cough. We brought her in to the doctor’s office yesterday and were told it was a cold that could last five to seven days.) Hours after she went back to school, the school nurse called the house. The Girl’s twin brother was now sick and I had to pick him up from school. I’m just waiting for The Youngest Boy to come down with whatever this is. (In the meantime, I’ve had some sickness business of my own goin’ on for weeks, and was really sick for two days last month. The Spouse has been on and off sick.)

Is this just our family or have other people’s families been swamped with sick kids and colds that just won’t die?

May 21, 2009

Three for Thursday: Movie Sets are Boring, Dinner Knife Mystery and ‘Pajama Diaries’ Hits Close to Home

Item #1: Movie Sets are Boring

I thought the kids might find it fun to visit the location where a movie is being filmed in the MetroWest/Boston area. We might get the chance to see Adam Sandler, who the kids loved in the comedy Bedtime Stories, and maybe even Paul Blart, THE Mall Cop.

So after school one day this week, I drove the three of ‘em to the film shoot. We stood with a large crowd of other spectators across the street from where they were filming. Several of their friends came by intermittently, including a Girl Scout troop run whose members the eldest two kids knew. While they were amazed to see one of their teachers drive by in her mini-van, I told them to be on alert for some real fun as I handed them a Sharpie and a notebook for autographs.

However I think I way oversold it. We waited for over two hours and what did we get for our patience? Mere glimpses of Sandler, who gamefully waved to the crowd from across the street . . . and atop a hill . . .  kind of behind other people, and of other celebs who the kids didn’t know, such as Salma Hayek, Chris Rock and David Spade. Some random guy driving a Lamborghini past us on the street was actually the highlight of their experience, that and seeing the teacher in the mini-van.

The Youngest Boy complained non-stop, threatening to explode with boredom and hunger, even though I’d just given him a big bowl of ice cream before we left the house. When he found out that we were going to be at the set through the kids’ TV hour (5 o’clock), he stomped his feet and ran away from me, but not too far away. The Eldest Boy was so utterly bored that he kept pestering me that he had homework to do (on a project not due until the end of the week) and that I was wasting his time, taking away from his education.

What’s that they say about the road and good intentions?

Item #2: Dinner Knife Mystery

We are suddenly, noticably short on dinner knives, those relatively dull knives that came with our everyday flatware set. No matter how many times I run and then unload the dishwasher, we continue to be short on them. Where are they all going? Is someone throwing them away or swiping them? Should I check beneath The Youngest Boy’s bed, where I’ll likely find a treasure trove of candy wrappers, overdue library books, a mix of dirty and clean clothing and all of my working pens?

We’re also grappling with another mystery in our house: Who ate a big hunk out of The Youngest Boy’s solid, chocolate Easter bunny? (Yes, we still have Easter candy in the house, a little bit lying around.) For some unknown reason, The Youngest Boy decided to hoard his bunny until a future date. That future date was Monday, when he discovered — after a frantic search for the bunny – that someone else had beaten him to the punch and consumed a hefty chunk of it, the head and shoulders. He issued all manner of accusations and suspected everyone but me who, sadly, can’t eat milk chocolate (dairy allergy).

We’ve yet to find the perp and I doubt we will, I told him. Let that be a lesson to ya kid, don’t leave your solid chocolate bunny lying around in a house of candy freaks. But that still doesn’t help me answer my question: Where the heck are all the dinner knives?

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May 6, 2009

Annual ‘What a Mom’s Worth’ Stories

Filed under: Holidaze, Moms, Parenting News, Work — Tags: , , , , , , — Meredith O'Brien @ 12:19 pm

Every year it’s the same. In the days surrounding Mother’s Day, the media start producing all manner of stories and news segments about moms, their work (paid and unpaid) and their value, on many levels.

A group called Salary.com has, for several years, been releasing an estimate of the dollar value of the work done by at-home moms for free. The way they figure it is that they estimate how much it would cost to outsource the tasks done by the at-home parents, everything from child care, cooking, housecleaning, laundry, transportation, etc.

 This year’s figure for the average at-home mom is $122,732. For the average mom with a paid job outside the home — EXCLUDING her salary — Salary.com said the unpaid work she does for her family is worth an average of $76,185 a year.

NBC’s Nightly News even ran a segment this week about the worth of a mother’s work, calling it “Mom Inc.:”

But, no matter how many times I read the figures, how many times we’re told that the work parents do has a market value, somehow we only seem to think about it, or talk about it, during the month of May. And then *poof*the matter disappears from people’s radar screens — the massive amount of societally undervalued work people do caring for their families — until next Mother’s Day.

September 15, 2008

Stress Expert: Chill and Let Go of the Illusion of Perfect

I had the pleasure last week of sitting next to Alice Domar, the keynote speaker at the MetroWest Chamber of Commerce’s Women’s Initiative dinner. (Note: One of the event sponsors was skirt! magazine, which is owned by the same company as P&K Magazine.) Domar, an internationally known expert on what’s called the mind-body connection, discussed the main themes of her new book, Be Happy Without Being Perfect, specifically on how and why women should let go of the illusion of perfection.

What struck me about Domar, wasn’t just that during dinner, she was a down-to-earth person who spoke with ease about how her tween-aged daughter was upset that Domar had to be out for the evening and about her exploits helping her daughter sell Girl Scout cookies outside a local grocery store. It was that what Domar said — both at the microphone and away from it – was real, didn’t seem rehearsed/polished (even though this is a person who toured with Oprah in 2004-2005 and regularly appears on national television) and indicated that she understands what it’s like to be a working parent circa 2008 during an “epidemic of stress” like the rest of us.

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August 29, 2008

Of First Ladies and a Mom VP Wanna-Be

As I continued to marvel at the surprising GOP vice presidential selection, I fired off a column about my impressions of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s first national speech to the folks at Mommy Track’d in a piece entitled, “McCain & The Working Mom.”

Additionally, I wrote an essay about the difficulties working women have when they are asked to speak at national political conventions when their spouses are running for president, called, “Michelle As First Lady: General Election Edition.”

Image credit: Associated Press/Kiichiro Sato.

 

August 7, 2008

Three for Thursday: Adam@Home, ‘thirtysomething’ Online and Halloween ALREADY!

Filed under: Holidaze, Pop Culture, Pregnancy, Three for Thursday, Work — Tags: , , , , , — Meredith O'Brien @ 9:24 am

Item #1: Adam@Home

I’ve been loving the latest Brian Basset cartoons, Adam@Home, where a work-from-home dad named Adam (has three kids and a wife who works elsewhere) is fielding online questions about what it’s like to work at home with kids bustling about and fighting. This week’s cartoons have cut a wee bit too close to my life’s experience as a work-from-home parent. I have several of the comic strips up on the fridge and in my home office that regularly make me laugh, though, sadly, the humor is lost on the children.

Item #2: thirtysomething Online

Shh! I’ve got a secret. If, like me, you’ve been waiting patiently (or in my case impatiently) for the 1980s thoughtful yuppie drama thirtysomething to be released on DVD (or VHS) and cannot, for the life of you, understand why it hasn’t come out yet, I have a solution for you. Try YouTube. Type in “thirtysomething.” Scroll down the page and you won’t be disappointed.

After watching many of the episodes which are 20+ years old, I find that — fashion aside — they hold up well, particularly when it comes to the angst one of the lead characters, Hope Steadman (Mel Harris) felt about working parenthood. (During the series, she wound up working outside the home after being an at-home mom for a while.) The clip below is from the first episode of the second season after Hope had decided to go back to work at an environmental magazine when her daughter was 20 months old. She and her husband Michael were also debating whether to have another child.

 

 Item #3: Halloween ALREADY!

It’s the first full week of August. My family just got back from our summer vacation, and what am I finding, other than beach sand still littering the mini-van? Halloween stuff for sale in stores and e-mails in my inbox from Halloween costumer purveyors. This initial Halloween appearance seems earlier than last year when I first spotted Halloween products while shopping for my twins’ late summer birthday party supplies. I say to you premature Halloween pushers: No mas! It’s scary enough to think about back-to-school shopping (school idiotically starts BEFORE Labor Day around these parts), I don’t need the added pressure of Halloween costume shopping.

 

July 8, 2008

Working From Home in the Summertime

Filed under: Moms, Online Moms and Dads, Work — Tags: , — Meredith O'Brien @ 8:50 am

Hot fun in the summertime . . . except when you’re trying to actually, I don’t know . . . get work done and you’re summoned to referee between two kids who are having a heated dispute over a driveway basketball game or about who gets to use the family room with a friend and banish all others from it, or you’re asked to provide a steady stream of food for a voracious pack of children who can’t seem to go more than an hour without proclaiming famine-like hunger.

Being a work-from-home parent who’s trying to teach her kids how to be self-sufficient in keeping themselves busy until we go to the pool we’ve joined in the afternoons (without shelling out mucho bucks for camps for three kids) can be a challenge, one which you need to approach with an expansive sense of humor. I tackle this topic in this week’s column at Mommy Track’d.

June 27, 2008

Four for Friday: Cindy McCain’s Strength, Married Career Trade-Offs, ‘Not It’ and Holly Hobbie ‘Update’

Item #1: Cindy McCain’s Strength

While some in the media portray her harshly — depict her as talking Barbie doll — Cindy McCain has an inspiring life story. Profiled in a cover story in Newsweek, she addresses how difficult it has been to be married to someone who spent a large chunk of their marriage either deployed with the Navy someplace or serving in Washington, D.C. while she was home with four kids in Arizona, working at her father’s beer distributorship and running her charity for children.

An excerpt:

“Cindy has sometimes likened herself to a single mother; now 54, she has often been far away from her husband during difficult moments, including two of three miscarriages she suffered in the 1980s. Years later, her husband did not notice when she became addicted to painkillers, a habit, she says, brought on in part by the stress of politics. In 2004, he was on the other side of the country when she suffered a stroke that left her partly debilitated. On her own, she learned to walk again. Cindy says she doesn’t resent the time she spent without her husband. It was her choice to stay in Arizona while he rose in Washington, and she says she knew when she married him that he was always going to ‘put country first.’”

She also said she tries not to discuss that she had a son serving in Iraq during the presidential primaries because she was afraid it would put him in danger, while her husband’s statements on the Iraq war were being parsed by the media. Newsweeksaid that when her son was in Iraq (he’s back now and it’s unclear if he could be redeployed), McCain slept with her BlackBerry in her hand so she wouldn’t miss his call if he phoned.

(more…)

June 16, 2008

Mom & Dad Sharing Child-Rearing . . . An Anomaly?

Filed under: Dads, Moms, Parenting News, Work — Tags: , , , , — Meredith O'Brien @ 10:31 am

Apparently when a mom and a dad share the child-rearing workload, it’s a major news story. At least according to the New York Times.

The cover story of this weekend’s New York Times Magazine – entitled, “Will Dad Ever Do His Share” (not a very nice topic for Father’s Day weekend) – was downright depressing. While the piece did feature couples who participate in “the equal-parenting movement” (we need a movement, with an official name and, I suppose, name tags and literature, to get parents to do their jobs?), it also included some dire statistics, . . . dire if you’re a mother raising young kids that is.

Among the upsetting stats: Women handle more child care duties in their households than men by a margin of nearly five to one. Even if you remove the whole employment factor and look at two-income families, women still spend 11 hours a week caring for the couple’s children, to men’s three hours. Sampson Lee Blair, a professor of sociology specializing in families, told the Times, “The most striking part is that none of this is all that different, in terms of ratio, from 90 years ago.”

 So, I guess it IS news when mothers and fathers share the burdens (and yes, of course, the JOYS, but no one complains about the joys) of child-rearing.

In my household, because I work from home, I bear the brunt of the responsibility for doctors’ appointments and trucking kids to activities, although The Spouse has coached several of the kids’ teams and makes it to the practices and games. When The Spouse is home (and not commuting during dinner time as he usually does) he will make or help make dinner, particularly if he’s trying to butter me up so he can go play basketball with the guys. He does the laundry and has almost always been in charge of making sure the kids have been bathed at night. If he hasn’t left for work before the kids have gone to school in the mornings, we tag-team breakfast duty and school lunch-making. I have precious little about which to complain regarding the ratio of child-rearing work The Spouse does, except when he has a string of really late nights, misses a bunch of meals and I get cranky about it.

What about in your household? Do both parents share the work or is Mom responsible for a disproportionate amount of the work? And if Mom does most of the child-rearing is it because she wants to or because she thinks she does it “better” than Dad?

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