Picket Fence Post

Item #1: The Chew Monster (Otherwise Known as the Puppy)

Max, our mini-Wheat puppy, is smack dab in the middle of a rather nasty chewing phase and has been grabbing at anything within his reach and shredding it. Anything. Lego pieces. Pencils. Trash. Tissue boxes. Magazines. Soda cans. Shoes. You get the picture. Combine Max’s propensity for gnawing with the Picket Fence Post kids’ tendency to leave items lying haphazardly around the house and you’ve got the ingredients for my latest GateHouse News Service column.

Item #2: Co-Ed Sleepovers . . . Are They Nuts?

When I saw a Tweet this week from a Boston-based Fox TV journalist promoting her segment about teen co-ed slumber parties, she asked people thought about the notion. My immediate response was decidedly thumbs down. Putting hormonal kids together, with soft bedding, in the dark where parents will be absent for long stretches of time including in the middle of the night and a developmental lack of impulse control (plus teens’ brains aren’t fully developed) is patently crazy. Then I watched Sara Underwood’s piece on local TV and it only confirmed my initial thoughts. Please, tell me what you think about this trend.

Item #3: Pajama Diaries

So. Very. True.

Item #4: Modern ‘Like’ Family

Freshman ABC comedy Modern Family was unbelievably fabulous this week. It provided me with ample laughs just when I needed them. (You can watch the latest episode “Fears” for free at the ABC web site.) But the part that really had me rolling — aside from seeing the adorable Manny in his classic fisherman’s cap (I just want to hug that little guy) – was the scene where Claire Dunphy was driving her teenaged Haley and her friend around and could not, not for one more second, tolerate listening to her daughter continually and nonsensically invoke the word “like.”

Here’s what Haley said to her friend: “And then I’m like, ‘There’s no way I’m wearing that.’ And she was like, ‘Well if you don’t wear it then you can’t play.’ And then I was like, ‘Well, that’s fine by me.’ And then she was like . . .”

By this time, Claire, who’d been rolling her eyes as she listened to this, snarkily said the word “like” over her daughter’s conversation four times until her daughter objected. “Stop saying, ‘like!’” Claire shouted.

“Don’t embarass me!” the daughter shouted back.

“Ahhhhhh!” Claire shrieked as she gripped the steering wheel and violently shook her head.

This exact scenario – with slightly different wording and sans the guttural yell – occurred between my mother and me while she was driving me and a friend around when I was but a teenaged gal. I have a vivid memory of having what I saw as a perfectly pleasant conversation with my friend only to have my mother, seemingly out of nowhere, shout, “Meredith! Stop saying, ‘like!’”

I’m busily trying to stomp that tendency out of my own children before they become teens. I’m tryin’.

Image credit: Pajama Diaries via the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

Item #1: Anxious Kids

Do you have a child who seems tentative, bothered or frightened by new things? Are you worried that the child will grow up to be an anxious adult?

The recent New York Times Magazine cover story about anxiety said that some people are born worriers. While many nervous children are able to successfully channel their nervous energy productively as they grow older, others deftly cover up the anxiety roiling beneath the surface. “. . . [W]hile temperament persists, the behavior associated with it doesn’t always,” the Times reported. It’s a long piece, but if you have a child who you think might be considered “anxious,” it’s worth the read.

Item #2: Mommy Penalty

If you’re a woman and you have a kid, there’s a good chance that in the workplace you may suffer from what researchers have dubbed, “the mommy penalty.” The Boston CBS affiliate, WBZ ran a segment this week based on a Cornell University study which found that “mothers suffer a substantial wage penalty” while “. . . [m]en were not penalized for, and sometimes benefited from, being a parent,” the study reported.

What kind of penalty? Five percent less pay per child than a childless woman receives, WBZ reported:

“A recent ruling handed down by the First Circuit of Appeals in Boston, could have an impact on the way working mothers are treated. The case involves a mother from Maine who says she was denied a promotion and told ‘You have the kids, and you just have enough on your plate right now.’

The ruling stated, ‘. . . the assumption that a woman will do her job less well due to her personal family obligations is a form of sex stereotyping . . . and that adverse job actions on that basis constitute sex discrimination.”

Here’s the link to the video segment.

Item #3: The Puppy Cut

I finally relented and agreed to bring the puppy to get his hair trimmed. I’d been fretting that the groomers would make him look like a rat if his hair were trimmed too closely, that he’d lose his fluffy cuteness. But he doesn’t look like a rat. Other than the fact that you can now see that his legs aren’t as stocky as they appeared when his hair was longer, he looks pretty much the same. Look at the “before” photo followed by the “after” photo:

Item #1: Tossing Back the Foul Ball

Ever wondered what would happen if you took the kids to a ballgame and a foul ball headed your way?

A dad of a 3-year-old girl found out this week when a foul ball was hit in their direction during a Phillies-Nationals game. Thrilled that he caught the ball, he triumphantly handed it to his daughter . . . who hurled it back onto the field. Giving the ball back to the rightful owners, she must’ve thought. How sweet. Even sweeter was Dad’s reaction.

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Now that the dust has settled, folks have returned from their July 4 holidays and Sarah Palin has attempted to clarify why she’s quitting her post as Alaska’s governor midstream, I’ve deconstructed her resignation in my Pop Culture column this week, arguing that what you think about her and her decision largely depends upon your political perspective and life’s experiences. From where I sit, I view Palin’s tale as a “meta-working mom” story.

Ten days after her initial announcement, Palin’s bombshell is still making news. The New York Times has a page one story today which also seeks to explain Palin decision, saying that she’s become so stressed out lately that her friends are worried that her hair’s thinning and she’s becoming underweight.

At the risk of inviting your ire (*putting on my flak jacket and ducking*) I invite you to weigh in on Palin and her decision to quit.

Image credit: Jim Wilson/New York Times.

Item #1: Movie Sets are Boring

I thought the kids might find it fun to visit the location where a movie is being filmed in the MetroWest/Boston area. We might get the chance to see Adam Sandler, who the kids loved in the comedy Bedtime Stories, and maybe even Paul Blart, THE Mall Cop.

So after school one day this week, I drove the three of ‘em to the film shoot. We stood with a large crowd of other spectators across the street from where they were filming. Several of their friends came by intermittently, including a Girl Scout troop run whose members the eldest two kids knew. While they were amazed to see one of their teachers drive by in her mini-van, I told them to be on alert for some real fun as I handed them a Sharpie and a notebook for autographs.

However I think I way oversold it. We waited for over two hours and what did we get for our patience? Mere glimpses of Sandler, who gamefully waved to the crowd from across the street . . . and atop a hill . . .  kind of behind other people, and of other celebs who the kids didn’t know, such as Salma Hayek, Chris Rock and David Spade. Some random guy driving a Lamborghini past us on the street was actually the highlight of their experience, that and seeing the teacher in the mini-van.

The Youngest Boy complained non-stop, threatening to explode with boredom and hunger, even though I’d just given him a big bowl of ice cream before we left the house. When he found out that we were going to be at the set through the kids’ TV hour (5 o’clock), he stomped his feet and ran away from me, but not too far away. The Eldest Boy was so utterly bored that he kept pestering me that he had homework to do (on a project not due until the end of the week) and that I was wasting his time, taking away from his education.

What’s that they say about the road and good intentions?

Item #2: Dinner Knife Mystery

We are suddenly, noticably short on dinner knives, those relatively dull knives that came with our everyday flatware set. No matter how many times I run and then unload the dishwasher, we continue to be short on them. Where are they all going? Is someone throwing them away or swiping them? Should I check beneath The Youngest Boy’s bed, where I’ll likely find a treasure trove of candy wrappers, overdue library books, a mix of dirty and clean clothing and all of my working pens?

We’re also grappling with another mystery in our house: Who ate a big hunk out of The Youngest Boy’s solid, chocolate Easter bunny? (Yes, we still have Easter candy in the house, a little bit lying around.) For some unknown reason, The Youngest Boy decided to hoard his bunny until a future date. That future date was Monday, when he discovered — after a frantic search for the bunny – that someone else had beaten him to the punch and consumed a hefty chunk of it, the head and shoulders. He issued all manner of accusations and suspected everyone but me who, sadly, can’t eat milk chocolate (dairy allergy).

We’ve yet to find the perp and I doubt we will, I told him. Let that be a lesson to ya kid, don’t leave your solid chocolate bunny lying around in a house of candy freaks. But that still doesn’t help me answer my question: Where the heck are all the dinner knives?

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My kids are constantly giving me grief about my working from home. They may say that they understand that I have to do work — which includes reading lots of stuff, sometimes watching TV programs and lots o’ writing at the laptop computer – but I don’t think they really do.

My 10-year-old son might say he knows I have work to do, but he still wants to know why I don’t just do all the grocery shopping and the laundry during the day so everything’s just so when he arrives home from school. My 7-year-old gripes that I drag them out on errands instead of getting the errands done when they’re in school, during the few quiet moments of my work day when no one’s home. There are incessant complaints about meals.

That’s why I took my 10-year-old twins to see the stop-action, animated movie Coraline with me. (The movie’s too scary for my 7-year-old and even scared my 10-year-old daughter a bit.) I wanted them to gain a bit of appreciation for their old mom.

In the movie, the blue-haired, 11-year-old Coraline Jones is angry with her distracted work-at-home parents who won’t entertain her and are severely domestically disabled. Then Coraline magically finds herself in an alternate reality where her “Other” parents seem perfect and dote on her all the time, giving her things she’s been craving. I wrote about the film and my kids’ reaction to it — “You should be thankful for what you’ve got,” The Girl said – in my Pop Culture & Politics column over on Mommy Track’d this week.

Do your kids pine away for a “perfect” parent?  (I frequently tell my offspring that I’m gunning for the Meanest Mom of the Year award.)

Dear Editor Who’s Expecting a Column From Me Today,

I’m doing my best to get you the column that’s due today. It might arrive in your e-mail box late today, like dinnertime [*fingers crossed*], with an outside chance of it coming tomorrow morning.

Why? There’s another snow day. My three kids are home from school. And they’ve been wrestling, insisting on showing me card tricks with a pack of Star Wars cards, doing coin tricks with two quarters and a nickel (likely pinched from my wallet), asking me to download songs for their iPods, requesting that I serve as a referee for their fights, wanting me to open stuck jars of strawberry jelly, whining for snacks (not the “healthy” ones like yogurt, fruit or a granola bar that I offered), presenting me with a comb asking me to assist with personal grooming, demanding justice when one kid got to watch Star Wars the Clone Wars TV show and the other didn’t get to watch a Disney Channel sitcom and breaking my heart by sidling up next to me while I’m at my computer, hugging me and telling me that he loves me, “my only Mommy.”

I’m planning on sending them all outside after lunch to frolic in the snow so I can put a good dent in the column, but most likely they’ll be back inside within 20 minutes claiming that so-and-so hit him or her unfairly with a snowball, requesting that I fish snow out of a boot that’s making their foot cold and wondering when the hot cocoa will be served.

Working on a snow day: Always a challenge.

Sincerely,

Your Picket Fence Post Scribe

Item #1: Obamas as Parents

The media seem obsessed with Barack and Michelle Obama, with Michelle’s clothing (tongues were clucking at the fact that she wore a sleeveless ensemble to her husband’s address to a joint session of Congress), with their daughters’ clothes, toys and JoBro fandom. Not a week has gone by when I haven’t read a story about the Obamas’ journey through parenthood.

This past Sunday, the New York Times ran yet another story about the Obamas’ parenting style, “First Chores? You Bet,” portraying them as loving, but strict with their daughters, ages 7 and 10:

“In the Obama White House, bedtime is still at 8 p.m. The girls still set their own alarm clocks and get themselves up for school in the morning. They make their own beds and clean their own rooms. And when the much-anticipated pet arrives, they will walk the dog and scoop its poop.

. . . Mr. Obama is a modern-day dad who leaves the Oval Office for dinner with his girls, rarely misses a parent-teacher conference or piano recital and prides himself on having read all seven books in the Harry Potter series aloud with Malia.

Mrs. Obama juggles play dates and homework with speeches to federal agencies and students. Both are committed to keeping their daughters grounded, their friends and aides say.”

As a mom with kids the exact same age as the Obamas — twins who are 10 and a 7-year-old — it will be interesting for me to watch them raise their children as I raise mine, but I’m hoping that the media will back off and let the family settle in and try to normalize the girls’ lives as much as life can be “normal” at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. And no more stories on the girls’ clothing or backpacks, please.

Item #2: You Looking to be Led by a First Daddy?

In the same issue of the New York Times, there was another article about Barack Obama, the dad, this time in the New York Times Sunday Magazine. Entitled, “Father in Chief,” this piece by Lisa Belkin likened being a dad to being the president:

“We are intrigued by the first family not only because their children are adorable and so excited about getting a puppy and meeting the Jonas Brothers but also because our president seems to be such a good father — loving but not a pushover, thrilled that he now has a job where he can be with the girls for breakfast and dinner, strict about their chores, slightly cranky when their school is canceled ‘because of what? Some ice?’”

Then she swerved into a comparison, saying governing is “messy” like parenting:

“There are big differences, of course, between parenting and governing. Unlike children, we choose our leaders; the job of those leaders is not to nurture us emotionally; and the fantasy of a wise, all-powerful Daddy is what has gotten Russia and Germany in trouble over the years. But if Obama is going to struggle in his metaphorical role as parent to the country, it will be less because of the differences between parenting and leadership and more because of the similarities.”

I wonder if that mindset is what led Time Magazine’s Joe Klein to extend the analogy on MSNBC’s Morning Joe today. While discussing new CBS News polling numbers showing that a vast majority of Americans support President Obama and his proposals to jump-start our flailing economy, Klein quipped: “People are scared. They want to see government activism. They’re looking for Daddy.” (Link to video here.)

President Obama himself during his address to the joint session of Congress this week, also invoked his role as the First Dad when he was discussing how parents can help their children achieve their educational goals:

“In the end, there is no program or policy that can substitute for a mother or father who will attend those parent/teacher conferences, or help with homework after dinner, or turn off the TV, put away the video games, and read to their child. I speak to you not just as a president, but as a father when I say that responsibility for our children’s education must begin at home.”

I’m planning on quoting Obama the next time my kids balk at my request to turn off their TV shows/video games, per order of the Daddy-in-Chief.

Item #3: The Dirt on Working from Home

The same woman who wrote the Times article comparing governing to parenting — Belkin — recently posted an interesting blog item on her Motherlode blog entitled, “The Messy Side of Working from Home.”

“One side effect of the [economic] downturn may well be more parents working from home. For some it will be involuntary cobbling together a home business after losing an office job. For some it will be a way to save on the expenses of going elsewhere for work — no more office space to lease, no more commuting costs. And for many it will be a way to save on childcare. Work during nap time, or play dates or on wi-fi while watching karate practice. It can be done. Right? RIGHT?

Working from home solves many problems, but as one who has done it for nearly 15 years, I should warn you that it creates others you might not expect.”

Belkin described having to literally leave the house and then re-enter, once a babysitter was there, in order to stop her son from screaming and shrieking while she worked.

As a work-from-home writer for the last decade, I have to say that her observations are on the money. Sure, working from home gets slightly easier once the kids are older and in school, but the time I have alone in the house to spend on my writing once the kids leave from school doesn’t constitute a full work day. Therefore I have to get creative. Some of the keys of doing it without going crazy are: Being flexible, being willing to work at night (after the kids are in bed) and working on a weekend, when a spouse could watch the kids while you work.

Image credit: Jae C. Hong/Associated Press via the New York Times.

1. “O’Briens and Obamas Ready for a New Family Pet” — Patriot Ledger/GateHouse News Service.

No. I didn’t write that headline. And no, I haven’t likened myself to Michelle Obama.

But I do have several things in common with the Obama family: I’m a working mom. I have kids ages 10 and 7. And, it’s very probable that we’ll both get dogs this year. (The Spouse is cringing upon reading that.)

This is my post-dead cat column where I discuss my three kids’ response to the passing of our feline, family pets of my past and whether we’ll get a dog.

2. “Marley and Motherhood” — Mommy Track’d.

Speaking of family pets . . . I went to see Marley & Me last week as an assignment for Mommy Track’d. And while I won’t spoil the movie for you, if you go, be sure to bring a box o’ tissues. You’ll thank me later.

That being said, my Mommy Track’d column is about the storyline for Jennifer Aniston’s character in the movie — she was a newspaper reporter who gave up her beloved journalism job after having kids — that doesn’t get as much play as the antics of the one-dog wrecking machine.

3. “Get Your Lipstick Tube Ready” — Mommy Track’d.

NBC’s Lipstick Jungle – which I first dismissed as a pink confection but later came to like during its second season – is hanging by a thread. Depending on how its ratings fared for its last original show (which aired on Friday), NBC execs will soon decide whether Brooke Shields & the Lipstick gals will live to see another day. This column is my argument for why it should continue.

4. “Live Blogging the Golden Globe Awards” — Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum.

The Girl and I watched the insipid Golden Globe arrival shows (flipped back-and-forth between stations) and then the awards show, though The Girl went to bed well before 9. I live-blogged the madness (Tina Fey, Ricky Gervais and Tracy Morgan get kudos) on my Suburban Mom blog.

As for what my tween-aged gal thought? She squealed upon seeing her favs – Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens – and was irate that Cyrus didn’t win the award for best song in a film.

Image credit: SF Chronicle/20th Century Fox/Barry Wetcher.

“There will be young children in the White House for the first time since the Kennedy generation,” so said NBC’s Brian Williams at 11 p.m. on election night after projecting the state of California for Senator Barack Obama, thereby earning him enough electoral votes to capture the presidency.

My children are the same ages as Malia and Sasha Obama, 10 and 7. Michelle Obama has struggled with the same working mom issues as I have (although I don’t have a mega-watt, power job like hers). Michelle and Barack Obama were married two weeks before The Spouse and I were wed. With all those similarities, it will be fascinating for me to watch the Obamas navigate parenthood and their work while the whole world is watching.

For my kids, it’s also going to be interesting to see their experiences mirrored by children in the White House, especially for The Girl, who feels a kinship with Malia because they’re both Hannah Montana and Jonas Brothers fans.

Image credits: The Huffington Post.

UPDATE: I just had a column about First Kids in the White House published on the Mommy Track’d web site.