P&K Insider

Come meet me and my twin sister at a  free parenting event being held this Tuesday at the North Attleboro Babies R Us store. We will be hosting a Siblings Workshop based on our newly released book The Siblings Busy Book: 200 fun, creative activities to do with children of different ages (Meadowbrook Press, 2008)

Do you have more than one child?
Are you looking for ways to entertain your growing family?
Do you want to learn more about the importance of sibling relationships and how you can help foster healthy bonds between your own kids?

Join us on Tuesday, September 30 from 7 to 8 p.m. for a free Sibling Workshop
Babies R Us, North Attlebloro

We’ll show you how to:
Teach kids of different ages to share and work together
Strengthen relationships among siblings by having fun
Encourage emphathy and patience among your kids
Stimulate physical, mental and emotional growth with fun sibling activities and
Use simple methods to create sibling harmony in your home

Hope to see you there!

Heather

Woke up this morning set for a busy day of work, bus stops, preschool, meetings, deadlines, etc. when my 3-year-old daughter, blurry-eyed and sleepy walked into our room. To what to my wondering eyes should appear? A child covered in head to foot with little pink hearts and green stars. When I say “covered” I mean the stamps were so close and so often, that one had a hard time deciphering the shapes from the colors.

I remember that the day before our next door neighbors had brought over some old children’s books. There was one coloring book that had marker stamps in it. My little angel had decided to decorate her body. It was a pre-fall-asleep for the night lack of judgement on her part. I hadn’t noticed when I checked in on her before I went to bed. It was dark but now she stands before me. Guilty as charged.

She smiled at first when I looked at her with utter shock. Then she decided it must have been idea and I needed to get the stamps off “right away!!!” Should I use paint remover? A wipe? Bleach?

Frantically, scrubbing herwith a wash cloth only slightly dulled the color. And still, hours later, she is a decorated lady.

Ever have a morning like that?

OK Kyle is better. I did the hard thing last week and told him in no uncertain terms that he must ride the bus to and from school. With a mood ring (didn’t you know that it has magical powers?) and one of my socks in another pocket, he felt brave. At the end of the week, we celebrated with a trip to the dollar store. He got to pick out three things!

So, I’m feeling like a lucky mom now! If you’re in need of a smile, I have two ideas for you.

1) Sit at your computer and take a look at 18 adorable photos! We need your help in selecting a child to win an on-site photo shoot for the cover of Parents and Kids! Go here: http://www.wickedlocalcontests.com/contests/portrait-simple/#

2) in a free lesson on the instrument of your choice at The Paul Green School of Rock Music in Watertown.

To enter, go here: http://www.wickedlocalparents.com/time-rock-win-free-music-lesson

The Paul Green School of Rock Music is the nation’s premier performance - based rock music program. We accept students from ages 7-18 and turn them into genuine rock stars.

Another bad scene at the bus stop today. My husband had bus duty (I had my monthly appearance on NECN).

Kyle was feeling brave. I can say this because he called me at my office this morning at 8 a.m. to tell me so. Then something went wrong.

My husband seems to think it was because he kissed Kyle’s hand at the bus stop.

“Don’t do that Daddy.”

“Why? I was just doing the kissing hand so if you miss me you can put your hand on your cheek.”

“Well, it makes me feel like crying.”

Bus pull up and…he cries.

He’s driven to school again and I have been suckered into picking him up today (although I didn’t admit that to the expert I just spoke to. See below). We agreed to that last night so I can’t turn back now, right?

I’ve been told by an expert that I have to toughen up. Joyce Leclair is an adjustment counselor at Robinson Elementary School in Mansfield. She spent much of the morning escorting teary-eyed kindergarteners to their classrooms.

“The first couple of days we had no criers,” she says. “It’s all fun and new and then it dawns on the children that this is an everyday thing and that they are going to be away from mom and dad.”

Take that and the fact that we just came back from a weekend that reminded Kyle of the “good old days” (mom, dad, sister, sleeping in, playing, being comfortable) and no wonder he was sad this morning.

In fairness to Kyle, he did make some progress since Friday’s bus episode. Today, he cried but didn’t thrash, run away, scream at the top of his lungs, etc. Hey, I have to count any improvements as progress.

Our first mistake? “You drove him to school,” says Leclair. “You’ll be driving him to school tomorrow and the next day and the next day.”

She is advising me to put a stop to this ASAP. Tonight I need to say, “Kyle your behavior at bus time is not acceptable. You must take the bus to and from school. When you come home, we will (fill in the blank with something small but exciting for him, like having alone time, or riding bikes, or watching a movie). It’s your choice. If you get on the bus, we’ll do ( ). If you cry when you get on the on bus, we won’t (). Either way, you have to ride the bus to and from school. I know you can do it.”

And don’t go overboard with the incentives: Leclair doesn’t recommend food bribes or going to the toy store for a new robot. “You’ll be broke by week’s end!”

Another rule that shouldn’t be broken: Do not enter the building. If you are dropping your child off at school arrange for a teacher or assistant to walk her to class. “It’s harder for a child to separate in those situations. Also, you don’t want them to be further embarrassed by crying in front of their classmates.”

OK, so when Kyle comes home I need to focus on the positive and not relive a difficult morning. “Tell me about your fun day? What book did you pick during library time?”

All in all, this teary reaction to a new school year and routine is “pretty normal.” In a few weeks time, all should be good. If not, Leclair says parents should take a closer look at their approach and try to make some changes.

Leclair has been working with kids for 25 years. She knows what she is talking about but she’s still a mom and know how hard it can be on us.

“I remember dropping my daughter off at kindergarten,” she recalls. “The teacher looked at me and said ‘OK, Mrs. Leclair, it’s time for you to leave.’ I knew that. I had been doing it for my profession but my daughter was crying. I left and cried all the way home. Later, I heard that she stopped right after I left and had a great day!”

Parents and Kids magazine needs you!

What’s your child’s take on the upcoming presidential election? I’m on the hunt for funny, insightful and/or thought-provoking quotes from little ones to publish in our October issue.

Here’s an example I’ve received:

It was a tough first week of kindergarten for my 5-year-old son.

This morning over breakfast he decided to discuss the current political campaign. “Tell me why you might vote for McCain again?” he asks.

I keep my reply simple. “He has a lot of experience. He loves his country and he wants to make it a better place for you and me.”

“Doesn’t he also want to make our schools better?”

“Yes, I believe he does.”

“I’m voting for the other guy then.”

“Why?”

“Because I hope he cancels kindergarten.”

—–

Please send me any you may have!! They just may make our readers take pause!

hkempski@cnc.com

Include name, age of child and hometown. Last names are not published.

I got my first personal note from Kyle’s teacher today. It read, in part, “He had a tough day today. Missing mom a lot.”

Not a good ending to an otherwise decent first week of school. I’d have to say, it wasn’t looking good right after breakfast.

45 minutes until bus arrives.

“I don’t want to go to school today.” First tactic, ignore and hope it goes away.

30 minutes until bus arrives.

“Mom, I really don’t want to go to school today.”

Moving on to quick acknowledgment and “distraction.”

“I know you don’t want to go to school but I put a special treat in your lunch box today. Hey, and don’t forget your buddy is coming over to play after school. ”

15 minutes until bus arrives.

“Why do I have to go to school everyday?”

“To learn new things and have fun,” I say as I finally relent and put on his shoes for him.

“I don’t like school,” he says. “I want to stay home.”

Time for my next move. Acknowledging his feelings. I sit down next to him.

“I can understand that you want to stay home. School is brand new and you are still getting used to it. It’s Friday though so after today, we’ll have the weekend together.”

I get his back pack together and head out the door. He won’t budge. 8 minutes until bus arrives.

The hardest tactic yet - being tough and loving at the same time.

“Kyle, the bus will be here shortly and the bus driver will be waiting for you. Today is a school day and you have to go. I’ll be here when you get home and we’ll have a fun weekend. Now come on.”

Lots of protests. He makes it to the front porch.

Bus is now rounding the corner. I pick him up and walk down the driveway. Tears starts and louder protests arrive…in my ear. He’s getting hard to hold since he’s thrashing about.

“It’s OK, Kyle. You’ll have fun on the bus with your cousin and I’ll be here when you get home.”

Mission totally bombs now.

The bus door opens and dozens of petrified children hear the wails of my son. He won’t move off the first step, he’s screaming. I’m panicked.

Bus in not happening.

We stand in the driveway locked in our respective positions. He is hysterical now and my goal is to just calm him down.

“Take a deep breath. I know you want to stay home. I know you are upset.”

My sister tries to calm him down and offers to drive him to school. She holds him and hugs him. He refuses to wear a seatbelt and she hands him back to me.

My husband believes he is trying manipulate us. I guess that could be part true but I think he is exhausted and having a hard time adjusting. There is one thing we do agree on - he has to go to school.

My husband drives him. I call ahead and the school nurse, principal and secretary are there to take him in and calm him down.

Meanwhile, I’m on my front porch doing what comes natural to most moms: What did I do wrong? I haven’t taught him good coping skills, I should have listened to him earlier, I should have prepared better for this inevitable crisis.

I have to go to work now but now I don’t want to go. Funny, same issue Kyle had. I climb into the car.

An hour later, I call the school and hear that he is “totally fine.”

If only, I were.